God i need help........
by, 08-13-2005 at 07:27 PM (215 Views)
Well DH and I had a blow up last night and this morning. I am so tired of dealing with issues involving the EO and SS. I know he has to take care of his son, and I know it's nice to try and get along with the EO...but I am so tired of my DH getting walked on.
Maybe some people think it's his problem that he is continuing to allow her to make him feel guilty and everyone has to be responsible for their own actions....but I can't stand by and watch.
In the beginning I wondered if I would ever feel at ease knowing I would be sharing my life with another woman in my DH's path (or so to speak) and now, that is just a faint memory, it's strange how the jealousy you feel in the beginning of a relationship or the uneasyness just goes away and what you have left are real issues. I no longer feel jealous of the EO, and I no longer feel threatened that "she might steel away my dh", and now I even wonder why I was so worried way back when...it seems so childish and null-in-void now. I do know she did have him on a string for a long time and as time has gone one....the string gets shorter...however, it's still there.
My DH will not face her head on....he has to be PUSHED, PUSHED, PUSHED (by me)....when he knows the answer to a question that will upset her, he will put her off a day or two and just delay the answer. I hate the fact that he gives her hope, when there is no real HOPE to be found.
I am not a sugarcoater and I don't believe in wasting people time with unanswered questions that will provide unpleasant results.....itn't it better to just face it?????
Well I left the house this AM with DH and I having words...and I haven't spoke to him since. I am not wanting to go home tonight....and I just need to breathe. I feel like it going to take a DRASTIC move on my part to make him understand that I am not going to put up with this anymore.
I always hear about how UNFAIR something is to her....and about how she can't make it on what she gets and how poor she is.....I have struggled for years to survive breast cancer and bi polar disorder and a nasty divorce. For the first time in my life I feel like my life is right, I am on a good track and I have a plan....now with one SWOOP....it could all be gone.
All over something I know will not always be an issue. I know the EO will eventually be gone when my SS is grown and no $$$$ is no longer exchanged between us.......but holding out for that time is hard right now.
I am so torn between this upcoming DE FET and just closing the door on my dreams of a family, a husband, and moving away and calling it all quits. I know I am sounding irrational and drastic, however.....I can't see the inbetween or the blue sky in the cloud of smoke.
I just want to feel safe and secure and to have the life I deserve w/o the issues. All I want is for DH to just DEAL with the EO head on, put his foot down and say "this is it, discussion over". But I don't know if it will ever happen.
So here I sit at work as my escape for the moment...in a few hours I will have to decide what I will do next.
To anyone who reads my blog..thanks for listening. I am in much need of advice right now...but I also know it's something I will have to figure out how to deal with on my own. Thanks for listening. Someday I will find peace, let's hope it's sooner rather than later.