http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/ Infertility and Adoption online interactive support community for your family-building efforts. Information and discussion includes infertility, adoption, pregnancy, parenting and surrogacy issues. en Sun, 19 May 2013 04:22:18 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/ http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77504-love-acupuncture.html Tue, 11 Dec 2012 14:49:40 GMT
So I started Acupuncture in October and I have to say I'm in love with it! It has worked wonders on my anxiety and also helped me get my period! Yay! I've never been so happy to get my period in my life lol

Usually if I'm not getting it I have to go the doctors and have them give me a script for something to help induce it and even then it's a very light one. Within a month of acupuncture I got it and it was normal! Something I haven't experienced since I was in high school--so 10 years!

In either case--having a great acupuncturist is also a must. I am so happy that I found one that is with me the entire session and really talks to me to see how things are going. Just feels like she is just as invested in this as I am :) We've been doing it once a week and have no switched to every 1 1/2- 2 weeks. That makes me a little nervous, but I figure I have to give my body some time to realize it should be doing all this stuff on its own.

My acupuncturist also recommended mediation to help ease my stress and anxiety. I haven't really started yet, but I'm excited to try. Anything to help, right? :)

If you haven't tried acupuncture I HIGHLY recommend it!
And a little piece of advice--don't listen if any of your friends try to tell you it doesn't work and that it's all in your head. What do they know? Nothing! you don't need negative people like that in your life anyway!
]]> bgs http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77504-love-acupuncture.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77465-ahhhh-apparently-i-need-come-grips-my-situation-o.html Fri, 05 Oct 2012 20:55:01 GMT I just got off the phone with ob-gyn and never in my life have i ever been spoken to like that! last year she was so nice. she told me she would get me pregnant regardless of what my numbers were. we did a 2 cycles of clomid in november and december. after decembers failed attempt i told her i... I just got off the phone with ob-gyn and never in my life have i ever been spoken to like that! last year she was so nice. she told me she would get me pregnant regardless of what my numbers were. we did a 2 cycles of clomid in november and december. after decembers failed attempt i told her i wanted to wait a little bit.

so come april she did an AMH blood test. She called me with the results and told me i didn't have that great a chance, but we could still try. and that donor egg was an option at this place up in syracuse, ny.

so today she finally returns my call from tuesday. i could already tell by the tone of her voice that she's not happy calling me.

i asked her about this fertility doctor i heard about. and she's says "um yeah i told you to go see him when we last talked. if you wanted a second opinion"

no she didn't. but according to her she did.

she then proceeds to tell me that:
obviously i NEED to go to him to "come to grips" with the reality of my situation. since i'm "not grasping the whole thing" she tells me i should go to him and have him tell me the information. but that he'll take one look at my numbers and won't let me into the program. but i should go to hear from him that i won't be able to have my own kids. and that maybe after hearing it from someone else i'll believe it.

she spoke to me with such contempt and was so condescending. i don't know what happened that made her be like that with me. but she basically just told me that i need to come to terms and that i'll never get pregnant. ]]> bgs http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77465-ahhhh-apparently-i-need-come-grips-my-situation-o.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77456-ugh-so-not-fair.html Sat, 22 Sep 2012 21:38:50 GMT I need to vent. To someone, anyone, that actually understands. The fiancee and I decided to start trying. Not getting any younger etc etc. Been taking my vitamins, eating healthy, charting, taking my temp everyday for about a little over a month. We went to his parents today and his mother...
I need to vent. To someone, anyone, that actually understands. The fiancee and I decided to start trying. Not getting any younger etc etc. Been taking my vitamins, eating healthy, charting, taking my temp everyday for about a little over a month.

We went to his parents today and his mother informs us that his sister, who got married over Labor Day weekend and has a beautiful 1 year old baby girl, is pregnant. That after they got married they were starting to try for their second and lo and behold, two weeks later, they are pregnant with their second.

I'm happy for them, but came home and cried. Its not fair. Everyone around me is getting pregnant without even trying. And I so badly want to have a baby and nothing.

All I can think is--Why God?

Why can't I get pregnant?
It's so easy for everyone around me! All they have to do is think about getting pregnant and BAM! they are!

And no one get its.
The fiancee just tells me that I have to think positive and it'll happen. That we'll have kids. The 1-5% chance of having kids doesn't phase him. He says we'll be able to do it. I have less faith.
My mom just says 1 in 7 women have fertility problems now because of our horrible diet. So it's not just me, but plenty of young women are having problems. Yeah? Well none of these women are my friends, because my friends, my sister, my sisters in law--all pregnant without even trying.

And all I can think is--must be nice!
The fact that it is so easy for them makes me hate them! ok not really. but i'm so jealous and i can't say that to them because then they all feel bad for me. Or worse my sister in law doesn't talk to me about anything because she feels guilty. Her and my brother told me they were pregnant last because they were scared Id be upset.

Why can't it just be easy?
Why couldn't my doctors listen to me when I was 17 and telling them I was scared something was wrong?
10 years later and here I am, saying I was right and all I want to do is cry.

How can anyone stay positive???
]]> bgs http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77456-ugh-so-not-fair.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77455-ugh-so-not-fair.html Sat, 22 Sep 2012 21:38:49 GMT I need to vent. To someone, anyone, that actually understands. The fiancee and I decided to start trying. Not getting any younger etc etc. Been taking my vitamins, eating healthy, charting, taking my temp everyday for about a little over a month. We went to his parents today and his mother...
I need to vent. To someone, anyone, that actually understands. The fiancee and I decided to start trying. Not getting any younger etc etc. Been taking my vitamins, eating healthy, charting, taking my temp everyday for about a little over a month.

We went to his parents today and his mother informs us that his sister, who got married over Labor Day weekend and has a beautiful 1 year old baby girl, is pregnant. That after they got married they were starting to try for their second and lo and behold, two weeks later, they are pregnant with their second.

I'm happy for them, but came home and cried. Its not fair. Everyone around me is getting pregnant without even trying. And I so badly want to have a baby and nothing.

All I can think is--Why God?

Why can't I get pregnant?
It's so easy for everyone around me! All they have to do is think about getting pregnant and BAM! they are!

And no one get its.
The fiancee just tells me that I have to think positive and it'll happen. That we'll have kids. The 1-5% chance of having kids doesn't phase him. He says we'll be able to do it. I have less faith.
My mom just says 1 in 7 women have fertility problems now because of our horrible diet. So it's not just me, but plenty of young women are having problems. Yeah? Well none of these women are my friends, because my friends, my sister, my sisters in law--all pregnant without even trying.

And all I can think is--must be nice!
The fact that it is so easy for them makes me hate them! ok not really. but i'm so jealous and i can't say that to them because then they all feel bad for me. Or worse my sister in law doesn't talk to me about anything because she feels guilty. Her and my brother told me they were pregnant last because they were scared Id be upset.

Why can't it just be easy?
Why couldn't my doctors listen to me when I was 17 and telling them I was scared something was wrong?
10 years later and here I am, saying I was right and all I want to do is cry.

How can anyone stay positive???
]]> bgs http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77455-ugh-so-not-fair.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77432-looking-friends.html Tue, 28 Aug 2012 22:48:54 GMT
I've been looking through the forums and blogs in hopes of finding someone will similar problems as me that has had success. Or rather any women out there that have fertility issues that have had successful natural pregnancy or success with the clomid only. I think I'm not very good at looking lol or rather have no idea what I'm looking for.

I have low AMH and high FSH. I'm finally starting some charts for my mood and basal body temperature. And I know that there are a lot of different things suggested for people with high FSH from acupuncture to royal jelly and other herbs. But I guess I'm hoping to find someone who has had success with actually trying those natural remedies.

I also am praying to God that there are women out there that have had success with low AMH. My low AMH is why there is that small voice of doubt in my head. I know that women have been able to get pregnant with high FSH, but I haven't heard or rather haven't found any success stories of women getting pregnant that have low AMH.

I guess I'm looking for a small glimmer of hope that I'll be able to have children of my own someday. My doctor told me my body can get pregnant, but the chances of having children with my own eggs is small. I know this, but again to know that someone with a similar situation as me was able to get pregnant is all I need. My father always says "as a man thinks so it is." I need to know its possible, just to get rid of that stupid negative voice in my head telling me I'll never have kids.
]]> bgs http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77432-looking-friends.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77353-pity-party-one-please.html Thu, 28 Jun 2012 16:24:52 GMT
Back from my mental health break lol... I had to give myself a little while to process all of my problems. I steered clear of fertility websites. And made myself not google "what are the odds of getting pregnant with high fsh." And for the most part I've been satisfied knowing that I am currently on the path of getting my body in the best shape I possibly can. Since my fiancé and I won't be trying for children until after our wedding next year I know I have time.

My mom's been reading a lot of health books and sharing her information with me. She fully believes that what we eat effects our body. She keeps telling me that the reason I can't get pregnant is because my body wouldn't be able to support a baby. The odd thing is--I think she's right. All the research she's done has been so interesting and it has really helped me change my eating habits.

I think the most convincing piece of evidence that my American diet is so bad for me was something I saw on the news the other day: in 2012, 1 in 7 women will have fertility issues, by 2020, 1 in 3 women will have fertility issues. Seriously?!? 1 in 3!!! And nutrition is to blame--at least I think so.

In either case--I've started eating healthier. Low carb--gluten free to be exact. And i feel absolutely amazing! Plus I've started biking to work 3 days a week--feels so good. My mom told me to start adding in homemade bone broth, raw cows milk and organic organ meats. There is so much research that says all of that is essential to optimal health :) Here's hoping it helps me!

Anyway--the reason I'm here today blogging my thoughts has to do with what happened on Tuesday. A day like any other. An event that naturally occurs in people's lives often--it just took me by surprise.

My little brother came over (he's almost 24) with his girlfriend. I was having a bad day and super crabby with my puppy and about to walk out the door to leave work and go home to relax. He tells me the reason he came over was to tell me "he's going to be a father" I reacted quite well if i do say so myself. I gave them both hugs and said I was so happy for them. I asked them when she's due and if they talked about names. I told her to let me know about a baby shower because i want to help. And the whole time I was thanking God that it was sunny out and I had my sun glasses on because my eyes were already red and rimmed with tears.

Don't get me wrong--I am very happy for them. I do hope it helps my brother be a little bit more responsible in terms of actually going to work and not frivolously spending money on video games. All I could think was --this is it, I'm really never going to be able to have kids. It's so easy for everyone else. How in the world did this happen? What did I do that was so wrong?

I know I shouldn't think such negative thoughts. I'm trying to keep a more positive outlook--one of the hardest challenges lol. But I remember being a child and talking about "when I have kids I'm going to do these crafts with them" and going to bookstores and buying children's books to read to my future kids. My whole childhood I was talking about kids and being a mom where as my 4 other siblings didn't really mention it. Except my sister who said that she wanted to only adopt because there were too many people in the world as it is--she currently has two beautiful little girls (1 & 4). Yes, I'm jealous of her too lol...

I feel bad for the fiancé. He kept trying to make me smile. Told me to just be happy for my brother. I am very happy for him. But I'm also really jealous. I cried. And unfortunately I had a couple drinks.

Pity party for one please. Yes I threw myself a pity party.

I woke up yesterday--feeling hungover. Stupid me. And went to work, still feeling sorry for myself. I worked up the courage to call my sister and talk to her about donating eggs. My dr, mom, dad and older brother all said "I don't see why you could't use your sister's eggs if you can't produce your own" So i finally decided to ask--pressing the fact that if she didn't feel comfortable she didn't have to and that it would only be a last resort. I don't think it's going to happen. My brother in law has major issues with the fiancé. My personal feelings is that it's jealousy. Apparently he thought my sister would have to be a surrogate and told my sister "there is no way i'm having HIS seed inside of you" Oh well.

Again--I am praying that my plan to get healthy will improve my chances. I did a little research in terms of cost of IVF with my own eggs vs donor eggs. And then contacted an adoption agency called Bethany Christian Services. Have to keep my options open.

Whatever happens and whatever child comes our way I know we will love it like we've never loved anything else in our lives. It will be OUR child regardless of dna.
Who knows what God's plan is. I can only pray that it involves children of our own. I mean I'm an awesome auntie, but I want children of my own to raise, read to, do crafts with, take on hikes, teach how to ride a bike, teach how to swim... ahhh...

Keeping the faith in God. Praying!
]]> bgs http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77353-pity-party-one-please.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77275-ahhh-venting-not-fertility-related.html Mon, 23 Apr 2012 14:29:20 GMT
So this isn't really fertility related, but I am in serious need of venting!
I've heard people say that when things go wrong they usually happen in threes and unfortunately for me this 3 things going wrong seems to be happening to me.

First I found out that the likelihood of me having children with my own eggs is near impossible. Then we got a phone call from our landlady--informing us that we have until June 1st or June 15th to get out of our apartment. And then finally--driving home from work on the thruway my fiancés truck broke down--granted we were able to fix the truck (thank you God!) but it was still scary for me.

Currently I am praying that this is the end of my bad news/events streak. Stress definitely does not help with the whole fertility thing and I seriously don't need any more in my life. The whole landlady thing really aggravates me though!

My fiancé and I brought home a puppy in January. A very expensive and rare breed. One of their attributes being that they are not barkers. We spoke to our upstairs neighbor before bringing her home and he said he was fine with it. Now just to make sure that she's learning to settle down fast, I started recording her when we left with my iPad. The last thing we wanted was an aggravated neighbor.

Long story short--he called our landlady and said our puppy was such a loud barker that he has to leave his apartment until we get home. Which is ridiculous! We have her on tape crying for 5 minutes! And she's only 4 months old! From what we can gather--our neighbor wants our apartment. He also wants to use the backyard that I've spent my weekends weeding and decorating--it looks amazing compared to when we moved in and every time he saw that I was working on it he would scoff, laugh at me and shake his head. So because he went and lied to our landlady--she either wants us out of the apartment or to get rid of the puppy because "she barks ALL the time."

The thing that pisses me off the most is that when we told our neighbor that we were getting the puppy I made the mistake of mentioning that I was going to get the puppy regardless, but if he didn't want us to get her we'd have to find a new place. We asked him in November and didn't get the puppy until January--which would have given us plenty of time to find a new apartment. Not less than a month--like we currently have.

He also said that if he had any issues he'd come to us first because in his words "there is no need to get Nora (our landlord) involved." In either case--we know he lied to get us kicked out. He's been upstairs packing for the last week.

My dad keeps telling me not to dwell on the negative. I'm trying very hard not to, but with this whole moving thing , car problems and then my fertility--which I was just starting to stop crying over, its just very difficult not to see the bad. I know the negativity is not good at all.

Does anyone have any tips on how to stay positive?

]]> bgs http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77275-ahhh-venting-not-fertility-related.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77269-learning-keep-my-mouth-shut.html Mon, 16 Apr 2012 13:50:21 GMT
I read a post on the forum last week "I wish someone would have told me to keep my mouth shut" and then I went and opened my mouth. My friend is up from Florida visiting her boyfriend and they came over last Thursday to hang out for a little bit. While the guys were in living room screaming at the hockey game, we hung out in the kitchen to talk. I wish we hadn't!

Feeling close to her, I told her my problems--the first friend I've actually told. After I go on to tell her that IVF will more than likely be the only way we can have kids she decides to tell me a little story. A story about some random famous couple, who? I have no idea, that has a show on E!. They couldn't get pregnant, so she did 4 rounds of IVF and in the end she found out she had breast cancer. My friends conclusion "Yeah, so IVF gives you cancer. I wouldn't do that"

All night long. "I wouldn't do that" I just wanted to smack her across the face. Who says that?

In the end I think she's mad that my fiancé and I have been together for over 2 years and she's been with her boyfriend for over 7. I understand her being jealous that we will be getting married, but why would she try and stomp on my dreams of having children. Especially after she made it abundantly clear on New Years Eve that she NEVER wants to have children.

She also felt that us having a destination wedding was a bad choice. "Nope, wouldn't do that" "why don't you guys just..." She had lots of opinions and I know I shouldn't listen to any of that negativity, but I just couldn't help and think "Why is she reacting like this?"


In the end-- I wish I would have just kept my big fat mouth shut!

From now on the only people that will know anything will be my mom and my fiancé and that I'm fine with :D
]]> bgs http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77269-learning-keep-my-mouth-shut.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77266-harder-than-i-thought-going.html Wed, 11 Apr 2012 15:56:58 GMT
Last night I finally got the results of my AMH test. Kris called me at about 730pm to talk to me about. When she told me the number my heart sank, but I was very calm. Less than 0.16 ng/mL :bawl: aka Very Low Fertility/Undetectable

She told me that with the numbers I currently have she doesn't see the harm in waiting a year before we start to try and have children. I mean my numbers are about as bad as they can get for someone my age. She asked if I had a sister and said that maybe I could ask her to donate some eggs. The only thing keeping me going is that she says I'll be able to carry the baby.

I was cuddling on the couch with the fiancé when she called. Kind of made it harder. He's so good about the whole thing. Just keeps saying he can't even imagine what I'm going through, but that we can make it through anything and that he loves me.

The remainder of the night was me looking at IVF fertility clinic websites. Trying to figure out cost. I still have no idea about the success rate for someone with high FSH and low AMH--do these numbers even factor in to success rate? Ugh I feel like I'm just barely keeping my head above water I have no idea where to start :(

We were laying on the couch as I surfed the web looking for some positive news and every once and a while I would start to cry. Even harder if a commercial came on with a mother and child. I just keep on thinking I'll never be able to look at my baby and see myself. The random crying has continued into today. My face is all red and blotchy and everyone keeps asking me what's wrong, which only makes me want to cry harder. I need to get control of myself.

I need to try and keep a positive outlook. As my father always says "As a man thinks, so it is!" I'm hoping that I can say "ok, well at least now I know and now I can make a plan!" I can spend this next year before we get married & want to start having kids getting myself as healthy as possible--both mentally and physically.

I should mention that Kris told me I should always have hope and I really need to take that to heart. I need to believe that even though my numbers tell me otherwise, maybe, just maybe I'll be that one in a million that's able to have a baby with my own eggs.


9/15/11--FSH: 61.8
9/29/11--FSH: 31.4
2/14/12--FSH: 43.9
4/4/12--AMH: less than 0.16

]]> bgs http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77266-harder-than-i-thought-going.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77261-new-my-story-so-far-high-fsh-27.html Tue, 10 Apr 2012 14:59:23 GMT
I'm new to all of this, so I figure I should start at the beginning.

In September 2011 I went to see an endocrinologist in the hopes of learning why my body was so resistant to losing weight. She did a wide scope of blood tests, including FSH. About two weeks later I received a phone call from the nurse saying that all my blood test came back perfectly normal and that I should follow up with my PCP. Thankfully I asked if she could fax me the results--I was curious to see where my numbers were. At first glance everything did seem normal. Until I came to FSH--I didn't even know what FSH was. But there it was staring me in the face 61.8! How is THAT normal?!?! I was only 26 and my doctor was telling me that having an FSH in the postmenopausal range was bugeyes PERFECTLY NORMAL?!?!?? So I looked it up online.

My first response was anger :angry: What would have happened if I didn't ask to see the results? I wouldn't have found out until my fiancé and I started trying to have children. I called the doctors office--of course the doctor was out of the office. I was so upset and angry! Obviously she didn't take the time to actually look through my numbers and now I wouldn't be able to speak to her for a week. At this point I felt really hopeless. I'm sitting at work and reading that the possibility of having children is slim to none. I went into the bathroom, sank to the floor and just sobbed :cry: :cry: :cry:

I spoke to my mom--hoping for words of wisdom or what I should do next. She simply said It would be fine. She had 5 perfectly healthy children and that all of her children would be (read should be) able to have children easily. I mean it was so easy for her. I cried some more. She couldn't understand why I was so upset. Didn't she just tell me I would be able to have kids?

So I spoke to my fiancé next. Telling him was really hard. Part of our plan was to have at least 3 children and here I was about to tell him that our hopes of having children might be dashed. He just told me it would be okay, that we had each other and that I shouldn't worry--we would have children. That there were so many options and we would figure something out. I cried some more :cry: Here he was being nice and calm about it and all I could think about was that I might never be able to feel our baby move inside me.

Next I called my OB--Kris! Ahh Kris! :) She was there to talk to me. She was so upbeat and positive. Don't worry you're only 26. I'll be able to get you pregnant when you are ready. She gave me a script to get my FSH tested again. This time it came back at 31.4. Still really high, but much lower than the first time.

By November 2011 my OB decided to put me on clomid and see what happened. I was able to produce a really great looking follicle in my right ovary. She was shocked. Told me she didn't expect me to be able to do so well. Only problem--she kept asking me questions about my "husband" and asking if I was taking my temperature. I felt a little lost--she knew I wasn't married yet, but I didn't want to correct her. I mean I needed her help! My fiancé and I didn't care if we got pregnant before we got married and it's not like I'm getting any younger. So we tried. Despite being able to produce a follicle we were unable to get pregnant in November. I was sad, but not hopeless (mostly because Kris was so optimistic that I felt maybe she was right and my numbers were wrong... if only :rolleyes: ) So December rolls around. I take Clomid (among a couple other things) no success. According to Kris--nothing was really happening in my left ovary. Now I'm starting to get a little worried, but I tell her I want to wait a couple months. I want to try and lose a little weight and get myself as healthy as I possibly can.

Fast forward to March 2012. I get a nutritionist to help me lose weight and get healthy--I want to be in tip top shape once I do get pregnant. The nutritionist, Maria, wants to see my blood work, so I dig it out and email it to her. At this point I start to look over my numbers again and get flooded with the same worry that came over me in September. Should I really be waiting until i lose weight? What if now is my only chance to get pregnant?

So again I called Kris. I wanted to know if waiting until 2013 would be fatal to our chances to have children--since our wedding is May 2013 and I still wanted to get myself in great shape for pregnancy. This time speaking to her was not the greatest experience.

She told me she's always honest with her patients and she would be a little blunt with me. My last FSH test in February came back at 43.1 and that the chances of me having children with my own eggs was very small. But I should still have hope. She said "If you don't have hope--Whats the point of getting out of bed in the morning?" I tried to repeat that to myself over and over. I was quite composed while I was on the phone with her. She said that we shouldn't jump to conclusions and that I should take the AMH blood test before we start thinking about what to do next. She went on to tell me that I would be able to carry a child in me with a donor egg--if it came to that. And that my blood would flow through the baby and it would still be part of me.

I got off the phone with her and started researching IVF, donor eggs... Anything and everything pertaining to fertility, especially the costs. Now I was scared I wouldn't be able to have children because we didn't have enough money. Ugh!

I spoke with my mom again. I told her that no doctor will give someone with high FSH more than 5% chance of being able to get pregnant with their own eggs. Of course tears are rolling down my face as I tell her this and it seems to click in her. She hugged me and told me it would be okay :) She proceeded to get on her laptop and start looking up information. Every hour or two I would have an email from her with a link on fertility and things I should be doing. I was happy to feel like she finally understood how I was feeling.

I still have no clue what I should be doing honestly. I'm waiting for a call back from one of the nurses about my AMH number. I am praying :pray for good numbers!

I will say this--I am thankful for my amazing fiancé and my mom. They are really the only reason I have been able to keep my head above water with all of this.


9/15/11: FSH--61.8
9/29/11: FSH--31.4
2/7/12: FSH--43.1
]]> bgs http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/bgs/77261-new-my-story-so-far-high-fsh-27.html