Harder than I thought it was going to be...
by, 04-11-2012 at 09:56 AM (812 Views)
Last night I finally got the results of my AMH test. Kris called me at about 730pm to talk to me about. When she told me the number my heart sank, but I was very calm. Less than 0.16 ng/mL aka Very Low Fertility/Undetectable
She told me that with the numbers I currently have she doesn't see the harm in waiting a year before we start to try and have children. I mean my numbers are about as bad as they can get for someone my age. She asked if I had a sister and said that maybe I could ask her to donate some eggs. The only thing keeping me going is that she says I'll be able to carry the baby.
I was cuddling on the couch with the fiancť when she called. Kind of made it harder. He's so good about the whole thing. Just keeps saying he can't even imagine what I'm going through, but that we can make it through anything and that he loves me.
The remainder of the night was me looking at IVF fertility clinic websites. Trying to figure out cost. I still have no idea about the success rate for someone with high FSH and low AMH--do these numbers even factor in to success rate? Ugh I feel like I'm just barely keeping my head above water I have no idea where to start
We were laying on the couch as I surfed the web looking for some positive news and every once and a while I would start to cry. Even harder if a commercial came on with a mother and child. I just keep on thinking I'll never be able to look at my baby and see myself. The random crying has continued into today. My face is all red and blotchy and everyone keeps asking me what's wrong, which only makes me want to cry harder. I need to get control of myself.
I need to try and keep a positive outlook. As my father always says "As a man thinks, so it is!" I'm hoping that I can say "ok, well at least now I know and now I can make a plan!" I can spend this next year before we get married & want to start having kids getting myself as healthy as possible--both mentally and physically.
I should mention that Kris told me I should always have hope and I really need to take that to heart. I need to believe that even though my numbers tell me otherwise, maybe, just maybe I'll be that one in a million that's able to have a baby with my own eggs.
4/4/12--AMH: less than 0.16