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Originally Posted by Berni

She bumped into DH yesterday and said "we have been waiting for a good time to tell you and realise there is no good time". She is due in June. Y'know I thought I spotted a little protruding belly just the other day........

She (they) do seem quite sensitive and she asked if DH thought it would be alright to text me to invite me in for coffee or for them to pop round here for drinks and a chat......all of which is fine..........but omg.........I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL

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Originally Posted by Berni

OMG..........where to start...........its been weeks since I posted........ Karen - you are spot on. The people who know me well know that when I go quiet, it normally means its a time when I most need to reach out and get some support........

Well, firstly I didn't post my diary on the Loss BB this year. Why?? Now I am not sure why. It helped me sooo much to do that from 2001-2006, why would I not continue?? I think I was scared of alienating/offending people.......I

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Originally Posted by Berni

We had a loooong, highly religious, Catholic (but happy clappy/evangelical) wedding 15yrs ago - we were into that kinda stuff back then! One of the little (big?!) surprises of the ceremony, though, was that I walked down the aisle to a pop song!! "Let's Get Married" by a Scottish band - The Proclaimers. We thought it as a great idea - the song was out thatyear and we were such a fun couple. (The Proclaimers are playing in my city in October and I can't wait to see them live!!

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Originally Posted by Berni

Another year has passed.........and as I woke up/lay in bed this morning, I felt tears in my eyes, a heaviness in my heart and I was thinking 'this was the last day my mum was on this earth'........ 24 years now.

'Some things change, some stay the same' - those words are from a song called Hymn To Her. How appropriate......

HYMN TO HER

LET ME INSIDE YOU
INTO YOUR ROOM
I'VE HEARD IT'S LINED
WITH THE THINGS YOU DON'T SHOW

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Originally Posted by Berni

23 years ago today. It was probably right around now, a young seemingly inexperienced doctor came into the Family Room where we were all assembled and stumbled over words like, "we worked on her for 30 minutes.....I am sorry....." My mum's brother ran out of the room to throw up there and then. I just remember staring at the wallpaper in utter disbelief.

56.

Originally Posted by Berni

My mum died 22 years ago today - 14th July 1983. It was a sudden death. She was only 56.

I have missed her over the years - of course I have. Especially on my wedding day and when I was expecting Liam. But I am "used to it" after all these years. I don't DO anything special on 14th July - always think of her of course, but its not a big family occasion or anything.

This year is dramatically different. Today is Thursday. 14th July 1983 was a Thursday.

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Originally Posted by Berni

Some weird things happened today and I just wanna write about it in the hope of making some sense of it!

Unexpectedly, I went into work late today - too late (really) to stop at a shop on the way - but I did. (I never normally stop at any shops.) I bought what I needed and resumed my journey and then (even later now) decided to stop at yet another shop - this one just a tad out of my way - to buy something I never buy - a carton of fruit juice I certainly never buy to take to work.

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Originally Posted by Berni

Thanks everyone - you always come through for me don't you?? And that always brings tears to my eyes.....thank you so much.

I didn't go. I talked to DH about how I was feeling and I couldn't speak without my voice cracking, my eyes welling up and then the tears then escaping from my eyes......that (and you guys) kinda gave me my answer.......he was very supportive and reminded me that I don't ever have to do anything I don't want to do. He understood completely and even

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Originally Posted by Berni

This time seven years ago, I was about 18w pg. I wasn't even really showing much.

DH and I went to bed on 24th Nov 1999 and at about 2am, our phone rang. My SIL had gone into labour with her 2nd child and BIL needed to get her to hospital. I got up, got dressed and drove to their house to be with their then 3.5yr old son. It was so exciting. I didn't give it a 2nd thought to be there with/for them "in my condition" - in fact, it was a privilege to "wake up"

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Originally Posted by Berni

Thank you so much all of you.......

Robin called me yesterday and left me with an instruction to come and post to let you know I am safe and "OK"...........

This is so hard......I told Robin I have become a "curtain twitcher" - mildly (?? who am I kidding??) obsessive about my neighbours and all their visitors..... Weirdly, thats whats hurting most right now - my jealousy that I never EVER got to experience the pure joy that usually/so

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