Death Mentioned

We're three days post transfer and I'm trying to do things as close to last time as possible. Every cramp I feel I'm embracing as implantation. I know it's way too soon for that to be happening, but all the other cycles, except for our last one, I feared cramping as something bad. Maybe I was sending the wrong vibes and that's why only our last cycle gave us our first positive. I don't know, but I'm trying to keep as positive as possible considering I'm scared to death.

Sometimes ...

Today is the day between my retrieval and transfer. It feels like one of the hardest days in this cycle so far. Tomorrow is when I'll be pregnant again. That scares me more than anything. My fears are the two little embies won't stick or if they do, how will I feel about it. It's been just over three months since we miscarried our twin boys at 16 weeks due to IC. It was our 10th fertility cycle and the only one that worked. 1 Clomid, 5 IUI's, 2 IVF's and 2 FET's and eight years of trying. ...