This is a hard post.
by, 08-30-2011 at 08:40 PM (1013 Views)
This is probably the hardest post I've ever written. It is NOT going to be rainbow's & sunshine. There may be some unsavory words, so if you'll be offended, please don't read. This post will contain talk of sexual molestation, so if that will bother you, please don't read. If you're going to judge me, my parenting or my child, then please don't read because I'm EXTREMELY defensive & touchy about this. Now, if anyone is left TO read, here it goes.
Back around the end of April/beginning of May (I don't remember exactly when) I posted on a board here asking about statuatory rape. It wasn't a friends child, it was mine. I was embarrassed, horrified, ashamed and more to tell the details. I still am, but no one knows about this except for my DH and he will NOT talk about it and it's eating me up.
Well, I've typed those two paragraphs then sat here for 5 minutes trying to put anything more into words. There was this guy. DH has a cousin that's quite a bit older than him, and she has a son (Nick) that's around 12yrs younger than DH. This guy, is Nick's best friend. That is how we met him. We figured he was early 20's and seemed like the nicest guy around. He'd stop over & help DH and DS with projects around the house. He'd come over and watch movies with us. He's big into gaming which my DS is too. DH likes gaming, but isn't a nut about it, but this guy would come play games with DS. This guy, is a total CREEP!
So forgive me if I'm jumping around. This really is so hard for me, but I'm going crazy and have to get it out. So late April/early May. It was around midnight. DH was working nights, the kids were in bed. I play games on FB and needed something for one of my games. I logged into DD's FB account, to send it to myself. I notice she had one private message alert. I'm usually not nosy at all, so I don't know why I did, but I put my cursor over it and it showed who it was from. It was this guys name. I thought to myself "why in the world would HE send her a private message". I opened it. I got the biggest shock of my life. As I'm reading this huge, long list of messages back and forth between them, they are still "talking" & telling each other good night.
I was in such shock that I didn't know what to do. I didn't want DD to know right that minute that I knew anything, because I was grasping & trying to figure out WHAT the first thing I should do was. I ended up reading every message in her history between her and all of her friends. Messages between her & her bff just solidified everything I'd read between her & this guy. So I called DH at work and had a hard time breaking it to him, but did. -He wasn't driving that night, he was pre-loading at the factory that's just less than a mile from our house. I was scared to tell him, for fear he'd go to the guys house & literally kill him. I finally told him. He told me to get every single message printed out immediately, then he hung up on me and was walking in the door less than 5 minutes later. He grabbed the messages that had already printed & started reading them.
Then next day, I finally got DD to admit it and give us details. The first time this guy had sex with her, was a month before she turned 15. I asked her how in the he!! he talked her into doing something so stupid. She said that for almost a year he'd been telling her how pretty she was & that he thought he "loved" her but knew it was wrong at her age. He kept telling her that as soon as she was 18 that they were going to have a relationship together. He was going to marry her someday. That they would have children together & be "in love" for life. Then, one night when DS had a gaming party he had invited this creep & 2 other friends. I guess that when everyone else fell asleep, this creep went into DD's room & told her not to be scared, that he just wanted to "cuddle" with her. Ugh. I want to puke at the word. I'll never, ever like that word again for the rest of my life. Well, as you can imagine, "cuddling" is not all he had in mind, nor all he did.
She said after that 1st time, she felt dirty & ashamed. It ended up happening 5 times between last August & the middle of March. Those that know me on this site, know that my daughter has been being treated for depression since last November. This is why she became depressed. The middle of last school year, she said she wanted to be homeschooled. I was all for it. I hate our school district, but I couldn't believe she was finally agreeing to it which meant she had to give up show choir which singing & performing is the most important thing to her. Now I know why. He "made" her do it. He didn't want her to go to school around other boys. He told her he "wanted" her home schooled. He was a jealous freak every time a boy from school would post anything on her FB wall. Even if it was just "hi".
The day I found out, I called the police. She cried, and bawled, and begged and pleaded for me not to. She was absolutely hysterical. She kept saying "Jesse deserves a dad & he's gonna go to jail! He told me this would end up happening". Jesse is this creeps son who was 3 at the time, so probably 4 now. Just an adorable child, who deserves a FATHER, not a pediphile in his life. She curled herself into a ball on the floor hysterically crying, as I called the police. An officer came and took the report. Even infront of him, she balled & was saying "Please, mommy. Don't. You don't understand. You don't understand. He loves me. He wants to marry me". She was still curled into a ball. The officer kept telling her that I was doing the right thing. Hell, I wasn't sure if I would get into trouble too or not, for not keeping my child safe. -This was not a concern as it turns out. I was told I did everything right by contacting the authorities as soon as I found out & by printing all the messages. I didn't care though. All I knew was that I was physically sick to my stomach & I was turning this guy in no matter what!
The next day, a detective from the sheriff office came to interview her too. Come to find out, it was a guy I went to high school with & knew quite well. My mom & his mom were friends too, when I was growing up. He's the lead detective for our county & he's dang good at his job. I think T talking to DD was the 1st breakthrough she had, in how wrong this whole thing was. T pointed out to her in the FB print-offs, how controlling he was. He pointed out how manipulative he was. He pointed out what a JERK to her he was. T told me "Amy, it may take me a long time to get this guy. But I'm good at what I do, and I WILL get him. I promise you.". I hadn't heard anything about it, and was thinking of calling T to see where the case stood, when I got a letter in the mail last Thursday. On the 17th, the grand jury handed down 2 indictments (sp) of unlawful sexual conduct with a minor. He was to have an arrignment hearing Monday at 1:30pm. It also said that since he was more than 10yrs older than DD, he was being charged with felonies in the 3rd degree instead of in the 4th degree. -Yeah, I left that part out. When T (detective) came to our house, come to find out the @sshole was 27 years old. We all about crapped! We thought he was like 22. Still bad, but 27 blew our minds. Even DD didn't know. Her reaction was genuine & she started crying asking why he'd lie to her about his age. T used that to show her if he'd lie about something like his age, that he lied to her about a whole bunch of things.
So today, I called the victim's advocate to see what happened yesterday with the hearing. He didn't show up. All it was, was for him to plead guilty, innocent or no-contest & he didn't show up. There's a bench warrant out for his arrest. So, I'd had my feelings pretty well under control I thought, but knowing he's finally been charged & now that he didn't show up, I'm a complete mess again. Complete. I had to get this out, in hope's it helps me. Because I'm afraid I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.
I've been told by everbody who's some sort of "official" not to be mad at DD or disappointed in her. I am though. I can't help it. She was raised not to be premiscious (sp). She knew right from wrong. She was raised with sex being an open topic & knew that it was something you don't do as a teen. I can't help but to feel a little angry and disappointed. T told me not to feel that way, that this guy brainwashed her & that's what these type of guys do. He told me it doesn't reflect on my parenting. -Then again, it was my bad judgement that allowed this creep into our home in the first place, so I DO blame myself too. Ugh. This is just a super $hitty situation all the way around.
After finding out "why" DD gave up school, show choir & her friends we agreed to allowing her to go back this year. I'll be dam&ed if he's taking THAT from her too! Thank God they even allowed her back into show choir. Try-outs are at the end of the school year for the next upcoming year...but when she went to register for classes, the guidance counselor told her to go talk to the show choir director & see if she'd give DD a try out anyway. The director told DD that when she heard she was coming back for this year she talked to the choreographer who also is a judge for the try-outs & they both decided that she didn't need one. They said they know how she sings & what she can do so if she wanted in, she was back in. I could literally kiss them both for that! That really helped to cheer her up.
Ok, anyone who read this...please do NOT judge me & my parenting (or lack thereof) because I honestly can't take it right now. Please just keep it to yourself if you do judge. -And as great as most people are on this site, I DO know that judgements ARE made & vocalized. This is why I've held this in for so long. I certainly never thought I'd be in this situation, but it can unfortunately happen to anyone.