alliemac2

I don't know what it is. I just can't seem to get a grip on myself lately. I just broke down crying today because I feel like such a terrible mom. I try so hard to be the best. Mac just seems to not be acting right. He just isn't himself. Poor kid is sick so much and I have been worried since last week when they said it was a bacterial infection...but not "What" it really was. He finished his antibiotic last night. He tells me a couple of times he doesn't feel good. I just don't know what it is. I am worried it might be something serious. I just don't know. I have felt so awful the past couple of weeks that Mac has watched alot more tv than usual. He is the kind of kid if you turn it on he will sit there for hours.

Well, it seems like I always have to do something around the house on the days he is home(not in school). Yesterday it was have my family over to celebrate my sister Anna's b'day. So, I cleaned all day yesterday and cooked(something in the crock pot...but still). I had bought him a new Dora meets Diego video for Christmas. B/c he is so into Diego these days. Well, I caved and gave it to him yesterday. I let him watch it twice and he threw a fit b/c I wouldn't let him watch it again. I ended up sending him to his room and he went down for a nap.

I ended up just putting the video away. I will give it to him in his stocking. I am not caving and giving it back to him. He isn't eating alot either. He is holding his poop and then tells me his bottom hurts. He doesn't tee tee in his diaper anymore. I would put him in underwear fulltime if I knew the poop issue was resolved. I just don't think I could clean up poop right now. the clothes would probably just thrown away Do I just take the diapers away? He has not peed in his diaper at night for like a month now.

I just feel very overwhelmed. I wonder if I can take care of another child? I just don't feel very confident in my parenting right now. I'm worried all the time. I am worried about his health. I just keep thinking the worse, like cancer or something bad. I hate feeling like this.

Then we are going to my parents tomorrow to celebrate Christmas. My mom and I haven't been on the best of terms. That is a long story in itself. Worried about that. I just feel like a horrible mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend. When will I feel better. I feel like something is really wrong with me. I come here to FT just to escape, but sometimes I feel like it brings more worry into my head, like I am not doing something right. And then sometimes it is my only refuge. It helps me escape alot of my problems I don't want to deal with. Easier to look at a computer and read about other people than deal with myself. I just can't deal with it right now................