http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/ Infertility and Adoption online interactive support community for your family-building efforts. Information and discussion includes infertility, adoption, pregnancy, parenting and surrogacy issues. en Wed, 19 Jun 2013 04:08:27 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/ http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/56262-things-much-better-now.html Thu, 23 Feb 2006 00:12:32 GMT My darling daughter has gotten so big now. She is already 6 weeks and 11 lbs. She is such a joy! I love just holding and looking into her eyes. She is starting to smile and make new cooing noises. She loves her hair being stroked. She is such a good girl...we really got lucky. She has... My darling daughter has gotten so big now. She is already 6 weeks and 11 lbs. She is such a joy! I love just holding and looking into her eyes. She is starting to smile and make new cooing noises. She loves her hair being stroked.

She is such a good girl...we really got lucky. She has already started to sleep up to 5.5 hours through the night. Not always consistent but getting there. We had some photos taken of her recently and she looks so big. I really felt like I had missed some photos of her when she was littler. She is just growing so fast can't believe it.

No more night time help just p/t day for 2 days of the week. I will either be returning to work in a few weeks and hiring p/t perm help to help watch my dd. DH and I need to figure things out pronto. I really don't want to return to the same work i was doing but I may have to for financial reasons. We were counting on some mula to come through but it has not happened yet and things are slow as molasses.

Yesterday my doula took me and dd out for a grocery run. I was a little afraid of doing that alone. Now I feel more confident as I know how to put the car seat on the cart. haha. I feel so lame sometimes. Being a parent is the most challenging thing I've ever done and I feel so incompetent at times even at the smallest things.

But i love every moment I spend with her. She is such a dream!

I am now on Lexapro and feeling much better. Although on somedays I still feel a bit clausterphobic. It feels like this house is shrinking at times and it prob feels that way cuz it has been overtaken by baby items: swings, bouncers, pac and play etc. LOL. ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/56262-things-much-better-now.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/57629-almost-3-weeks-post-partum.html Mon, 30 Jan 2006 15:48:13 GMT OMG! I finally had my darling little girl! She is such an angel.

On my 37th week I caught an awful cold brought home by my DH. :( I am still getting over it ugh! I started gaining a lot of weight towards the end...water. I was going in for NST's twice weekly and AFIs once a week as well as seeing my ob once a week. Everything seemed fine until I got sick and my blood pressure started getting very high. On my 38th week I was confined to bedrest and had to lay on my left side due to my hbp as if I was on my side it was a lot lower.

My amniotic fluids started to drop. 10 to 8 to under 4 on January 9th. I had a feeling they were gonna admit me to L&D and they did. I was scared and cried. I was so worried my baby was not doing well but she was fine. That morning they induced me with a balloon cathedar which hurt like hell when they inserted it. In the late afternoon they checked me to see how much i had dialiated..which was only 2cm. They let me go as is for the night and said they would put me on pitcoin at 6 am.

The next morning they did and checked me in the afternoon and i had only dilated to 3 cm. The pitocin brought on the labor pains and i was dying! The nurse gave me nubain which didn't do much at all....still in furious pain the nurse ran out to get the anestesiologist for an epidural. My level of pain was very minimal at first but it esculated within minutes to I want someone to punch my lights out. DH left to go pick up somethings since we thought we had a lot of time but UH NO! By the time he came back I already had my epidural. Before pregnancy I was afraid of getting the epidural but i had no fear when they were doing it. They couldn't get it in me fast enough...the pain wore off very quickly! I was so releived but felt like a total parlyzed person.

In the evening around 5 they checked me again and i was still at 3cm. My ob suggested we do a c-section and asked if we wanted to discuss it before and I said NO i want a c-section. It seemed within minutes I was being wheeled into OR. I heard my babies first cry and it was such a joyous feeling! I heard one of the nurses say "what a gorgeous baby". John was with me behind the curtain and he was teary eyed. I told him to go see her and he didn't want to. He wanted us both to see/meet her at the same time. They brought her to us and layed her on my chest. She was so beautiful....all bundled up.

At this point I was starting to get the shakes/shivers and feeling beyond dehydrated. They would not give me even ice chips until 8 hours later. I thought I was swallowing straw and was dying from dehydration. They finally gave me a wet towel which i soaked my tongue on to get any bit of water I could.

The next day my legs/feet/ankles were 4 times as large as they had ever been. I guess it was effects of the iv. They were huge and i couldn't even fit into my pregnancy pants that's how big they got. Good thing i came in with sweats...those i could fit into. LOL.

The last night of our hospital stay we were in a smaller room and I guess that was a big mistake of my own. The bed was more comfortable but there was no room at all. I wanted my dh to go home so i didn't have to worry about him sleeping. I didn't realize it at the time but i was having anxiety attacks. I couldn't sleep, paced the hospital halls and needed the door open and lights on but didn't turn the lights on cuz of dh. He gets so grumpy at times I was afraid to turn them on. Finally i got him to leave (haha)...and i felt a little better. Atleast I turned the light on and had the door open.

When i returned home the anxiety attacks got worse. I was unable to go up and down the stairs so I was basically stuck up stairs most of the time. I felt closterphobic and started to get nauseous when the sun started going down. It was like a fear i had...i didn't like that time of day at all. I could barely eat dinner. I was trying to breastfeed but had a low milk supply. So feeding my darling girl took 2 hours: bf, supplimenting, pumping, cleaning up and getting ready for the next feeding. It was awful. I was constantly hungry when I was not nauseous. I couldn't get enough food in me and one morning felt like I was going to pass out. My MIL started cooking boiled eggs for me and stored them upstairs as well as having ensure suppliments.

On Sunday the day of my bad anxiety attack dh and I decided the bfding was too much for me and we decided to formula feed. I felt guilty especially when she would turn to my breast for food. That evening i could not sleep. I had been taking benedryl the two nights before which helped me to fall asleep but this night it wasn't working. I started to get axniety, dry heaving and my bp was 150/110. I called my ob at 1 am in the morning and she was going to call me in a prescription of xanax but Savon's was closed. She suggested I go in to ER so on we went.

I was kinda pissed at dh cuz i felt as though he was giving me a guilt trip for feeling like **** and all he was concerned about was his business. But after speaking to him the next day we cleared things up. The er doc gave me something to calm me and I felt better and wrote up a prescription for xanax. I was able to sleep in the well and the xanax helped.

I later spoke to my ob and she only wanted me to take the xanax on an on needed basis. But this was not working. I didn't want to even get the anxiety attacks then take the meds. I want to feel better and normal all the time and avoid the attacks completely. My psychiatrist says he can help me with that. I'll be seeing him tonight! Can't wait. I see my psychotherapist tomorrow evening. Hopefully things will get better. I have been staying at home per my therapists directions as when I went out to Target the other day I suffered another panic attack...even while on xanax.

The only thing that is really keeping me sane is my darling girl. When i look at her I can see clearly and I know things will get better. They have to cuz I want to be in the "present" for her ALWAYS!

I've hired some p/t help during the day so I can get some rest and tonight we have someone helping watch her for 3 nights in a row so we can catch up on sleep. I feel guilty that I am missing out on her but I need to get better quickly so I can be there a 100% of the time! ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/57629-almost-3-weeks-post-partum.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/59805-36-weeks-4-days.html Sat, 24 Dec 2005 19:20:49 GMT It's been a long time since I've made any entries. I'm so close to my due date now, can't beleive it. Our little girl will be here soon!

I am physically tired, feeling very heavy, nasal congestion, sore joints, numb fingers, swollen feet/ankles and calfs. Aren't I pretty sight? Although, I didn't want her to be born in December at this point I just want her to come soon. My peri says she looks great and would be fine if I delivered early...this was about a week ago.

Yesterday I had some glam shots taken. I really wasn't gonna do them but a friend of my dh's asked if she could so I did. I am really glad that I did cuz I really unexpectedly liked them a lot. Not sure what I'll do with them but my daughter will have them to look at later.

Her nursery is pretty much ready, still need to wash a few items. My bags are packed...looks like my low lying placenta has moved up so no c-section for me. Not sure if that's a good thing or what?

We've taken our classes at the hospital and it's now Christmas Eve. Can't belive the year is almost over. I stopped working a few weeks ago...YEAH! I really have no urge to return at this point. It doesn't sound fulfilling anymore. Although I would like to do something in the future freelance is not it. I have not told my clients that I have no plans to return yet as I might chge my mind but highly doubt it.

That's it for now. ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/59805-36-weeks-4-days.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/66749-im-gonna-cheat-find-out-what-gender-my-little-one.html Tue, 26 Jul 2005 00:48:17 GMT Okay DH and I can't wait for our 18-20 week u/s by my OB so I am going in on Sat to one of those keepsake ultrasound places to have it done. They say they can do early gender determination if our baby is cooperating. :) If not we can go back in a few weeks for a free peak again. I can hardly wait!

I have a bladder infection and have been on antibiotics for 4 days now. I am not feeling well at all. I'm not sure what is going on...I hope it is not a kidney infection. I have been nauseous since last tuesday and exhausted. If I hadn't been feeling so energetic and unnauseous for the 2.5 weeks prior to that I wouldn't think anything of it but now that I have been told I have a bladder infection I'm worried. I'm kinda irritated that it took my ob's office a week and 1/2 to get the results to me and how long have I had it? I kinda wish that I saw my OB sooner while I was still with my RE. Cuz my RE does not do routine things like urinalysis. Oh well..I left a message with the nurse practioner and have not heard back from her yet. She prob thinks I'm a hypocondriac? I know that spelling is way off. LOL.

DH is coming home tonight his plane has been delayed once again. Can't wait to see him! ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/66749-im-gonna-cheat-find-out-what-gender-my-little-one.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67247-06-30-2005-05-37-pm.html Fri, 01 Jul 2005 00:37:29 GMT Yesterday I was released from my RE. I was happy but yet very sad. I hugged everyone goodbye and started to cry. They prepared my little graduation package which included a diploma, copies of my records, birth certificate that I need to fill out when our child is born and mail back to them and... Yesterday I was released from my RE. I was happy but yet very sad. I hugged everyone goodbye and started to cry. They prepared my little graduation package which included a diploma, copies of my records, birth certificate that I need to fill out when our child is born and mail back to them and a silver spoon. So cute!

We got to videotape the last 2 u/s visits. At 10weeks our baby was busting a move! It was so awesome to see her move around like that. At 11 weeks (yesterday) she was moving even more. My RE said that he could tell by the space between her neck and the sac that she would most likely not have downs. :) That was comforting.

I am slowly weaning myself off of the meds by the end of the week...which to me is FRIDAY! DH says it's Saturday but what's one day?

Been having cramps today and was getting worried a little. But then used my doppler and found the baby's heartbeat. :)

Saw my friend for lunch today. She and I met at a park so her two little ones could play. Talk about distraction. I mean I hope I don't become like that when I get children? I don't mean to be rude or judgemental but it was really bad. I don't think I ever got to finish a complete sentence. She seemed to get very defensive about her daughter. I don't know... she didn't seem the same to me or maybe it was me that was different? These hormones are doing a number on me. I am very sensitive, weepy, depressed and sad lately. ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67247-06-30-2005-05-37-pm.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67505-yesterdays-big-scare.html Thu, 02 Jun 2005 19:48:06 GMT Woke up at 4 yesterday and went to the bathroom. It was dark out and for some reason I felt the need to check my liner and turned on the light. There was a lot of red blood and more in the toilet with clots. I freaked out and woke up my DH to tell him. He came running over and was very worried.... Woke up at 4 yesterday and went to the bathroom. It was dark out and for some reason I felt the need to check my liner and turned on the light. There was a lot of red blood and more in the toilet with clots. I freaked out and woke up my DH to tell him. He came running over and was very worried. I couldn't go sleep after this.

DH and I just laid in bed thinking it was all over. I just thought what else could it be? I must have m/c. I got up and took a shower and just got ready to leave for my RE's office. As soon as 7 struck I called over there and my Dr got on the phone immediately. He said to come in so we left in 5 mins. flat. He saw us right away and thank God our little sac/yolk was still there with a pumping heartbeat! We were both so relieved we just cried.

Apparently this type of bleeding is not that uncommon in the first trimester however when it is happening to you all rational thought seems leave. I did have a little more spotting this morning but very little.

I actually feel more bonded to my baby now. I didn't feel pregnant before and this made me realize how much I want this child and how much I love it already. ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67505-yesterdays-big-scare.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67611-saw-my-little-bean.html Fri, 20 May 2005 20:25:52 GMT Today I had my 2nd ultra sound and we saw one little bean! I knew we would see at least one! Nothing in my tubes at all...what a relief! I pointed to the u/s screen and asked my RE if that was another one and he said no, but it's too early to tell if there is more than one? I guess he means if it splits?

I think my RE is just extra precautious of giving out too much hope until he sees something in the uterus. He congratulated us today. So strange cuz he was so negative up until today. I go in again next Friday for another u/s. He said by then there should be a sac and yolk, then the week after we should see a heartbeat! WHHOOOOHOOO!

My dear sister is asking all sorts of questions of my pregnancy. She thinks we used donor sperm but I steered her in another direction. I feel like such a liar but I don't want anyone to know about not yet anyhow. She seems to have believed it or at least leaving it alone. ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67611-saw-my-little-bean.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67642-got-my-3rd-beta-yesterday.html Tue, 17 May 2005 18:32:39 GMT 1100 (17dp3dt) it almost went up 5x from my 2nd beta. My RE is kinda pissing me off right now. He is so negative and is concerned this is an ectopic or chemical preg. I doubt it is a chemical cuz my numbers are rising? And ectopics are usually slow rising. He tells me yesterday he is... 1100 (17dp3dt) it almost went up 5x from my 2nd beta. My RE is kinda pissing me off right now. He is so negative and is concerned this is an ectopic or chemical preg. I doubt it is a chemical cuz my numbers are rising? And ectopics are usually slow rising. He tells me yesterday he is "cautiously" optimistic and that he can't guarantee anything. GEEZ! Throw me a bone won't you? I don't think it's either of those and why does he have to be so negative? He made no mention that it could be twins?

I have to go in on Friday for 2nd u/s as yesterdays was too early to see anything. He said if my beta is over 1500 we should see a sac..well if my numbers keep rising the way they are I"m sure it will be well over that. We will know for sure by Friday if he is wrong or right. ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67642-got-my-3rd-beta-yesterday.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67671-05-15-2005-08-27-am.html Sun, 15 May 2005 15:27:26 GMT My 2nd beta was 233, it more than doubled and I can't even tell you how relieved I was. I think waiting for this second beta was worse than the first one. I guess cuz I knew I was already preg from the HPT and was not expecting a negative result.

Monday is my 3rd beta and I'm not so uptight about it. :)

I am still feeling all sorts of pains and pulls and had a middle backache yesterday.

I told my dad on Friday that he was gonna be a grandfather and he was so excited! I knew he would be! ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67671-05-15-2005-08-27-am.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67691-2nd-beta.html Fri, 13 May 2005 16:37:14 GMT Haven't posted here in a while. I had my first beta on 5/10/05, 11dp3dt and it was 63. I was very upset and worried cuz it was so low. I thought it was strange since I had been feeling cramping since day one of transfer. I HPT on 9dp3dt and got a big fat nothing on FRED. On 10dp3dt I tested on an EPT and Clear Blue Easy both came up positive right away...another reason I thought I would be higher.

Well I'm awaiting the results now. I only had about 2 hours of sleep last night due to mosquitos buzzing around in our room. It was hot last night so DH opened the window and still have not found hole in screen from last summer...UGH. DH and I not getting along this morning...both of us are on little fuel. :(

I usually don't have a bad experience on Friday the 13ths but today is not looking good. I was all dressed and ready to go for our beta but gave myself the pio shot and when I pulled out the needled it was like a was fountain of blood...uck! I had to change and then we left.

I still feel preg...am getting cramps and this morning sharp pains running up my left boob..very sharp. ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67691-2nd-beta.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67833-transfer-day.html Sat, 30 Apr 2005 00:10:05 GMT Can't believe how great today was! All 8 of our embryos made it to 3 day and they are all 8 celled and hi quality! We transferred 2 - 8 celled embryos of the highest grade and froze 6! I'm so excited...Dr. was very confident that we will get preg. I was surprised that he told us we should start thinking of names. :)

Hopefully this will work! I'm so excited for my little ones...I hope they are burrying theirselves in me. :) ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67833-transfer-day.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67840-tomorrows-big-t-day.html Fri, 29 Apr 2005 03:39:40 GMT I'm nervous and excited. I hope my RE calls me in the am to let us know how are little 8 embies are doing.

Thank God I called the office this morning asking them when I was suppose to start the medrol. The nurse left a long message yesterday as instruction to meds and transfer but didn't mention anything about taking medrol. Well I was suppose to start yesterday but started this morning. They said not to be concerned...but of course I am. :(

Well hopefully things will go smoothly tomorrow. I have an appt with Dr. Lee at 10:30 then off to Irvine for the transfer! ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67840-tomorrows-big-t-day.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67859-fertilization-report.html Wed, 27 Apr 2005 19:34:15 GMT Well thank God it's good news! All nine were mature eggs and 8 of the 9 fertilized. I won't hear any further updates from my doc until Friday...day of retrieval! ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67859-fertilization-report.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67861-retrieval-today.html Wed, 27 Apr 2005 04:13:48 GMT Well, I'm disappointed my donor only had 9 eggs out of 25 follies. My RE said he thinks it may have been something to do with the HCG shot not absorbing into her system. He took a blood test the day after trigger and it was low (52-I think?) so he gave her another HCG shot.

I was a total mess when I got the news and I called my RE back and started to ball. He said that he was aiming for 5-10 and 9 is a good count although now he tells me he expected to get 14-15. He said I still have a very good chance of getting PG with my lining as thick as it is and using eggs of a 23 yo. We'll see how fertilization goes tomorrow. I'm afraid to find out the results. ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67861-retrieval-today.html http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67878-update.html Mon, 25 Apr 2005 21:56:17 GMT Donor retrieval tomorrow. YEAH! She triggered last night and I spoke to Deb yesterday. She said donor has 24 follies and looks like I will have some to freeze. Transfer set for Friday 2/29/05.

Had my u/s and my lining is at 9.1, E2= 562. All is good! Can't wait to hear from the doctor tomorrow regarding egg count! I hear my donor is doing well and feels great! ]]> 50/50 http://www.fertilethoughts.com/forums/blogs/50-50/67878-update.html