50/50

My darling daughter has gotten so big now. She is already 6 weeks and 11 lbs. She is such a joy! I love just holding and looking into her eyes. She is starting to smile and make new cooing noises. She loves her hair being stroked.

She is such a good girl...we really got lucky. She has already started to sleep up to 5.5 hours through the night. Not always consistent but getting there. We had some photos taken of her recently and she looks so big. I really felt like I had missed some photos of her when she was littler. She is just growing so fast can't believe it.

No more night time help just p/t day for 2 days of the week. I will either be returning to work in a few weeks and hiring p/t perm help to help watch my dd. DH and I need to figure things out pronto. I really don't want to return to the same work i was doing but I may have to for financial reasons. We were counting on some mula to come through but it has not happened yet and things are slow as molasses.

Yesterday my doula took me and dd out for a grocery run. I was a little afraid of doing that alone. Now I feel more confident as I know how to put the car seat on the cart. haha. I feel so lame sometimes. Being a parent is the most challenging thing I've ever done and I feel so incompetent at times even at the smallest things.

But i love every moment I spend with her. She is such a dream!

I am now on Lexapro and feeling much better. Although on somedays I still feel a bit clausterphobic. It feels like this house is shrinking at times and it prob feels that way cuz it has been overtaken by baby items: swings, bouncers, pac and play etc. LOL.