I feel like a number

[irishscot74]

Hello all,

I'm new here. Right now I'm doing FSH/HCG/IUI. I'm waiting to take a blood pregnancy test next Wed. This waiting is killing me, esp where I just found out that yet another friend of mine is pregnant and she wasn't even trying. I'm happy for her, but it hurts too.

Anyway, I'm new to all this and after going through two cycles with my clinic I feel like a number, I feel like I have to pull information out of them to get answers and to be honest I don't even know what questions to ask sometimes. I've gotten more info from the ultrasound tech then I have from any of the Clinicians.

They tell me what dose of Gonal-F to take, I go in every two days for blood work and ultrasound. Then they trigger me to take the Ovidrel when I have the correct size follicles, have intercourse that night, abstain for a day and go in the day after for the IUI. No one has told me to take my basal temp or use OPKs. I was advised not to take any urine tests cause they can give a false positive or negative until my blood test. That's fine, I'd rather wait.

I just feel really lost in the shuffle. The emotional part of it is so difficult. I don't even know how to broach the subject. I suffer from anxiety and my mother has early on set Alzheimer's which adds to my stress and pressure on myself which of course I know does not help. Our Dr. didn't even ask what else was going on in our lives. I felt like we were swept in and out,I was barley able to catch my breath to even realize what was going on.

Did anyone else experience that? Shouldn't it feel a little more personal? What are the best specific questions I can ask?

Eighteen months ago I was diagnosed with PCOS by two different doctors through several sets of tests, my fertility Dr. said after one evaluation cycle said that no I don't have PCOS. The Metformin I was taking (that I hated) will do me no good. I'm thinking of getting a second opinion with another clinic.

Any advice or direction would greatly be appreciated. Sorry for the long winded message.

[BC-Maura]

Hi irishscot and a big welcome to you. I'm sorry that you are feeling like a number with your clinic. I was shocked at how insensitive people were when I was going through my IF. I thought that a little compassion would go a long way and really appreciated people like my primary care physician who empathized. My OB and her partners were not the warmest and it only added to my stress.

What helped me ultimately was acupuncture of all things. My dad was an OB and very western medicine oriented and when my PCP suggested it I was suspicious. But I was desperate, so I tried it. It helped calm me down. At the point I went, I had had two losses, followed by a period of not getting pg at all. My job was also very stressful at the time. Acupuncture helped me settle down and relax in the midst of the craziness that was IF and my job. I had another m/c while under treatment, but I handled it so much better. I ultimately discovered the probable source of my m/cs (a uterine septum) and with surgery, resolved it, but I credit acupuncture with a large part of the success.

I don't know where you are in MA, but if you PM me, I can tell you who helped me discover my septum (I am in MA too).

As for getting a second opinion, I'm a big believer in getting as much information as possible. I would urge you to talk to as many people as you can. Figuring out the issue that is preventing you from getting pg is so critical.

In the meantime, if you want to take your temp or use OPKS, we can help you with that.

I look forward to getting to know you. Keep in touch and good luck++++++++
Maura

p.s. As for your friend who is pg without trying, don't feel bad about feeling ambivalent. It's completely normal and doesn't mean that you are not a good friend. You can be happy for her, but you need to protect yourself too. If she's a true friend, she will understand. {{{HUGS}}}

[BC-DKNY]

hi irishscot...

i agree with all that maura has said. there's nothing wrong with second opinions.

if it's at all possible, you may find more "personal" attention by going to a smaller practice where the patients are probably fewer. if this is something that you think you can find, you may want to consider that.

IF is such a frustrating thing to deal with and it's so important to be in the care of someone who A) you feel confident in and B) makes you feel like a human dealing with a difficult issue, and not a number.

you should be able to take whatever time you need discussing your questions and addressing your concerns with your doctor.

it would worry me to think if you're made to feel this way dealing with IF, how will you feel if you're fortunate enough to be successful?

as far as questions, i would first ask the doctor who told you that you didn't have PCOS how he/she came to that conclusion. you can very diplomatically explain that 2 other doctors from separate pratices concluded that you did, so you are a little confused and would like some clarity.

i would think that should be the first thing you address as that can really alter your course of treatment.

can you tell us if you've had any other IF testing? if so, what were the results?

age plays a factor in treatment as well. if you're under the age of 35 they allow you a year of TTC before going forward and 6 mos if you're 35+. you mentioned you were dx with PCOS 18 mos ago. have you been TTC for that long?

sorry for the questions. but it would be easier for us to help you if we had a little more info.

as for the pg friend...maura put it perfectly. it doesn't make you a bad friend. many of us have unfortunately been in the same position. it's very hard to show true elation for someone when your heart is hurting.

we are here to support you in whatever way you need us for.

[lmohall]

Hi Irishscot....

I agree with everything Dina and Maura both said. Just wanted to throw out there what has helped me along this journey:

1) Finding someone you can trust and someone that respects/listens to you. You might have to spend some time looking, but it is so worth it.

2) Books that have come at a pivotal point in my journey - The Fertile Female by Julie Indichova and Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom by Christine Northrup

3) Acupuncture. I still don't know if it's working and I've switched doctors with that too, but it is very relaxing and when everything around you is stressful, it can't hurt.

~Laura

[irishscot74]

Thank you for your insight and supportive words.

I'm feeling more and more like I need to take a step back and get some more answers before I go forward.

Dina you asked me a lot of good questions. Thank you, you helped me realize I've been so overwhelmed with information and feelings I haven't been able to keep things clear when I explain my history.

I'm 33, I'll be 34 in December. Really long story short, I was born with hypothyroidism, thankfully it was caught when I was a baby and have been given the proper treatment my whole life. I stopped taking the bcp in Feb 06. DH and I were using spermicide for about 6-8 months.

I started seeing a new Endocrinologist in December 06. During our initial Q&A she realized I have some typical side affects of PCOS. She ran an entire blood panel. My insulin level was high and my FSH/LH levels were opposite of what they should have been. She diagnosed me with PCOS and started me on Metformin. A couple of months later, I was really getting aggravated with my first OB-GYN who is a nurse midwife and went to see a new Dr. who came highly recommended. Without me saying much of anything, looking at some of the acne on my skin and some abnormal hair growth, he asked me if anyone ever mentioned PCOS to me. I said yes, he ran a bunch of tests including an ultrasound and two cysts were found. Further confirming my diagnosis with similar blood results. He said that spermicide is one of the worst forms of birth control and shouldn't be considered protection. I had already stopped using it and he gave us 6 more months of trying and then sent us to the Fertility Clinic. So I would say of the last 18 months, we were trying for about 8-10 of them. He got us in the Fertility door sooner because of my PCOS diagnosis.

When I had my evaluation cycle in April 08 and got the results, my Fertility Dr said my FSH, Insulin, LH and everything was fine. I had an HSG, that showed no blockages and two ultrasounds that showed no cysts. Suddenly I don't have PCOS. We have unexplained infertility. DH's results were excellent.

The more I think about it, the more I want to talk to him again and get more info and like you said, ask diplomatically why he sees what he does, but two other Dr's saw something else. Which I plan on getting all these records together to possibly ask others.

I found out that my mother has Early-On set Alzheimer's and though we were already ttc, it's added a pressure that I can not seem to take off of myself as well as struggling with not having as much patience that I know I really need to have.

I hope some of this info helps with any insight.

Thanks again.
irishscot

[irishscot74]

Thanks Laura, I will look into those books and l am going to consider accupuncture. It's not covered by insurance, so cost is an issue at the moment.

I really appreciate the insight and advise. This is so hard to go through, I'm so confused and overwhelmed. I'm really glad I found this site.

[lmohall]

My first round of acupuncture wasn't covered by insurance either. And I don't think I got a whole lot out of it...that's why it's important to follow your intuition. My new guy was recommended from more than one source, is covered by insurance, and after only a couple of treatments I felt like things were already different. (For me, it was lower temperatures pre-ovulation). He gave me a time-frame (3 months) and the sessions are also a lot longer than the last guy...by the time I leave his office it's been almost 1.5 hours. Lots of stress reduction!!

DH & I have been doing a lot of au natural stuff...so I'm not as knowledgeable about all the numbers. Just know that there are other people out their trying to figure it all out too...

~Laura