LAMom

[JerseyGirl16]

LAMom,
It was so good to hear from you! Thank you so much for the congratulations. How are YOU doing?

I am not doing that well - the last couple days after my BFP have been pretty difficult. I am not feeling at all like I thought I would - am extremely upset, having a hard time dealing with the news and looking at our future. Not really sure what to do. Any advice?

[LAMom]

Dear Jersey,



I don't really know what to say......except that everything you mentioned sounds so very "early pregnancy". You know, (Ms. Masters degree), that we can sometimes "over think" things. And, you are *probably* like me and hate it when someone mentions that our hormonal changes MAY actually be affecting our rational, logical personalities too! I know that I really used to hate thinking that the pregnancy was making me emotional. I guess I just always thought that I was way too intellectual to be "beat" by the hormones! LOL! But, we both know, it really can do just that. All the things that you mentioned are so classic *brand-new-pregnancy-feelings*. You've been wanting it for so long now, and then you've started training yourself to accept it if it doesn't happen, and then you still want it to happen, and don't know if you're crazy for wanting it......then you wonder about the age thing.....and, you may also be a little apprehensive just because you've been through all that comes with twins. Maybe I've presumed or assumed too much. I just know that all of those things are very normal........you're probably right on track with going through all of the different emotions.

It will sound "cliche", I'm afraid, but I hope that you can go through this stage and move on to the stage of just ENJOYING the blessing. Part of what we do as Moms is to worry about it all. But, hopefully, it will be easier for you if/when you find out that you are pregnant with a singleton......knowing that you'll get to take it a *little* slower and savor it all more. And, I'll cover all bases here and say.......EVEN if you find out that you are carrying multiples again, at least you'll be able to say to yourself "Well, at least I KNOW how this road goes, I'm more ready than most to know what to expect", etc etc.

When will you have your first dr's appt? Hopefully, that will help you put your mind at ease also.....once you've seen the ultrasound, etc.

It'll be okay. Really. God has it all figured out for us........we just have to sit back and enjoy the ride!!! I think that it's just natural to do all the "what-iffing????", especially at this stage of the game.

As for me, it's funny that you asked. I REALLY REALLY REALLY thought that I was okay with the idea that we aren't going to have our #3 after all. WE never pursued any assisted techniques, no more Clomid, etc. But, have been carefully timing the cycles (which have been more regular than ever in my life!......FINALLY at 44! ). But, even with the best timing, it hasn't happened. And, I'm just now at the point where it is finally time to have a procedure done. I don't want a pregnancy to happen when I'm any older (42 used to be my "cut-off" age, for me personally) So, now that it's time to really make the appointment and "get it done", I just have so much longing for that #3 baby! One last-minute attempt, I guess you'd say. I really thought that I was ready to move on and leave the ttc'g behind......but it's harder than I thought. Something will happen, one way or the other, pretty soon now......but I think that the real work is going to be convincing myself that it is the time to stop. It'll be okay, I know......but I'm over thinking and soul-searching alot right now too.

So, you hang in there.........and take a deep breath. (And, I'll do the same!)

And, again, congratulations!!!

Keep in touch, okay?

LAMom

[JerseyGirl16]

LAMom,
Thanks so much for your response. I am not sure if it is all just early stage emotions and hormones or if it really is something else. I almost feel like I went after ttc for so long that it became more about doing it, than actually having another child. Now I honestly am not sure that I want to do it. I know that sounds terrible - and insensitive to those who would want to be in my position. So, I apologize to you, and anyone else reading this, to whom that would be insensitive. I just don't know what to do. My thoughts now of starting over with midnight feedings, a zillion diapers, child care issues (my guys are in school now), illnesses, etc. Also in the past few months, there have been changes in our household. My husband lost his job (in the housing market) and went back to school, and I am now the sole provider. My job is very stressful and and I am not sure how much more I can handle. I know - these are all things that I should have thought about prior to getting pregnant - but I did not anticipate feeling this way at all. I am finding myself longing for the relative simplicity of life a month ago.

I am going to the doctor tomorrow. Too early for an u/s I think (just 5 weeks), but I told them how I was feeling and they said for me to come in to talk about it.

Anyway, thanks for listening and responding. I appreciate you so much - and anyone else reading this who would like to add their two cents. Please just understand that I am relatively fragile about this, and I can't take too much criticism for my feelings.

What kind of procedure are you considering at this point? I know you will make the right decision and have peace with it. You are so much wiser and emotionally mature than I think I will ever be!

[LAMom]

Jersey,

I am sorry. Now my little pep talk regarding the emotional swings in early pregnancy seems like a little too much "fluff". I still do think that alot of what you're describing is because of the hormones and emotions.......but GOOD GRIEF, GIRL, you do have ALOT on your plate!!!! Anyone would be overwhelmed at the moment, I think.

I don't know what kind of other responses you'll get on this thread.....as it does kind of appear to be a private conversation between us two......but if there are some encouraging ones, I hope that they will post----and, I too hope that everyone else can figure out that it is not the time for any judgmental or critical lectures. That is the LAST thing that you need.

I think that what you said makes good sense. It is VERY easy to get caught up in the ttc'g.......almost to "beat the IF".......and, if you're like me, sometimes, we just give so much of ourselves to make sure that IT doesn't beat us. Not that it is the only reason, at all......it just is part of it.

I hope that you feel better after going in to see the doc.....

You have so very much on your shoulders right now......because of your husband's job situation, etc. But, you have to keep the faith, hold onto hope........that it WILL work out, and you will look back on this period of time and say to yourself, "how could I have had that doubt??" It has got to be daunting......looking at it all.......but, try to take a deep breath (on an hourly basis, if possible) and process as little as possible on the "big things" as you have to right now. DH will find something, probably well before you're ready to take maternity leave, and it may be better than the job he had before. And, I really know ALOT about the stressful job situation you described......just take deep breaths and small steps to keep on going. Maybe you can find something else after DH's situation is more stable? It took me awhile when my two were little to finally find the perfect part-time job......but I did.....and it SO WORKED OUT. Finances were a big part of our equation, too, so I don't want to sound like someone who leads a perfect little "Better Homes and Gardens" type of life. We had to do a lot of "juggling" but it all worked! It'll work for you too. I will keep you in my daily prayers......God knows your needs and your heart........just hold onto that and He will get you through.

As for the diapers and the late night feedings: Sure, we REMEMBER that....but, isn't it tempered too? Don't you also remember the wonder, the irresistible CUTENESS of those baby fingers and toes and chubby cheeks....the way that little eyes can look at you and you see endless possibilities and unconditional love in their eyes? Remember the soft skin, the smile that comes from a contented tummy? the way they LAUGH???
And, you also know how VERY fast those late night feedings and diaper changings will be gone and replaced by starting school and your little one's budding independence. In the BIG PICTURE, it isn't so taxing and all-consuming, it is more like a crazy, amusement park ride that brings you back to the gate just about the time you can handle the centrifugal force and have figured out how to survive it!!!

I think that it is just ALL hitting you at once......and, you do have alot of things hitting you...... Just hang in there.....You'll make it.

I've got to get out the door this morning.....but I'm going to keep checking on you.

(The procedure I mentioned for us....is either a tubal ligation for me, or a vasectomy for dh.....don't really know which way we'll decide to go......but, it just seems that I'm having alot of trouble making the appointment! I know ALL TOO WELL what you're saying about being in the ttc mode for so long........)

Take care of YOU!
LAMom

[JerseyGirl16]

Thanks LAMom... I am really stuck in this funk, and it seems to be getting worse. I am going to the doc today to talk. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks so much for your encouragement, and the time you spent here. I really appreciate it.

[LAMom]

Hang in there, girl. I'm thinking of you and hope today brings you a better outlook.

Take care,

LAMom

[BC-Maura]

JG: I am so sorry that you're in a funk. You DO have so much going on right now! Don't beat yourself up for how you feel! You feel how you feel! Pg and parenting are hugely emotional, complicated situations. It's normal to feel conflicted. It's normal to feel the total opposite of how you thought you would feel. The healthy thing about your response now is that you are recognizing the negative feelings and taking steps to address them and cope with them. So many people sweep these feelings under the rug and end up causing more problems for themselves. You are brave and your instincts are spot on. You're going to come through this ok.

{{{HUGS}}}

Let us know what the doctor says and don't be a stranger here. We want to know how you're doing, ok?

Best to you++++++++++
Maura