I'm scared -i need someone to hold my hand

wan2b3+ · 08-18-2006, 09:18 AM

Things seemed really good this cycle - all my tests showed everything was normal to good - and I really got my hopes up -despite my better judgement. This is my first cycle with my RE -so I don't really know if this cycle is better than previous ones, just that everything looks pretty good.
Now I'm really scared of the big BFN -it just seems like it's going to hurt worse this time.
I'm 8dpo and spotting exactly the same as I always do 8dpo, so even though I know thre is hope -deep down I feel this cycle is a bust.
I'm so terrified of the BFN this time!

Thanks for reading my pity party. I hate feeling this way.

**BC-DKNY** · 08-18-2006, 09:59 AM

hi D...i so know how you feel. it was probably the reason i finally swore off HPT's. i just could take the heartbreak of seeing that BFN anymore. i found it less painful to just get AF. does that make sense?

do you think it would be easier (emotionally) to just wait it out? i know it's so hard to not test, especially when you want something so desperately.

if you do decide to test, then try not to test too early. the longer you wait, the better your chance of an accurate result.

do your docs give you any reason for the early spotting? it's really the perfect time for implanation spotting, but if it happens every cycle, then it's obviously something else. have you had your progesterone checked?

i'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! i hope this is the one!!

**BC-AEO&A** · 08-18-2006, 10:12 AM

Tons of

s D. I so know how you feel. I agree with Dina, in that the testing and getting BFNs seem even worse than waiting it out for AF. I took that approach this cycle, and it really was better for me.

Your spotting is right on for implant spotting, and it doesn't seem like it would be prog related since your P4 was good, so not sure on that.

IF just plain sucks. The added stress and anxiousness it adds to every cycle is sometimes just too much to bear. Hang in there, I'm right here with you!

lsmariev · 08-18-2006, 10:23 AM

I am so sorry you feel that way. I can relate. I hope you get your bfp this cycle.

I agree with DKNY and think is better to wait for AF than test before AF is due and have a BFN and then wonder if is a false negative and then it gets worse with the PMS symptoms, because usually I get irritable days before AF.

Can you do something to take a little your mind off this, like doing a new project and that the days go more quickly.

I hope you feel better soon.

Loyda

beaglenutty · 08-18-2006, 10:44 AM

I can totally relate to what your going through. Right now I'm 13 DPO and I'm going crazy. It took a poas two days ago and it was bfp. I can't wait until af comes. The whole tww I drive myself and dh crazy. I didn't really help but I know excatly what your going through.

wan2b3+ · 08-18-2006, 11:41 AM

Thanks everyone....I'm really climbing the ledge today and apprecite the hand holding.

Lets' see...to answer questions...
I was hoping not to test until next Tuesday or Wed -I'm going to try to wait it out. That would be 12 dpo. My decision to test is usually linked to how much spotting I have.

Thanks again ladies -I don't know what I would do with out this forum - noone else gets it -not even DH.

The doc really doesn't seem too concerned about the spotting per se -he says in and of itself it is not a problem. My prog testes this cycle was my first P4 test and it was good. It's also my first cycle on Clomid, so I was hoping the good P4 meant no spotting this time, but apparently not. It's the same old song and dance.

And as for taking my mind off things -my brother and his family are in town and that's a great distraction -except when I'm here at work!

thunderbird · 08-18-2006, 01:41 PM

Good luck, Wan2b3! You should go out, or get a good book from the library or anything. That's what I do when I'm getting nuts after O. Doesn't always work, but even a couple of hours of diversion works. I just got a new computer game in preparation for my 2ww.

jerseymom35 · 08-18-2006, 01:52 PM

Hi D, I wish I had the perfect words to say to you to make you feel better! Just want you to know I understand what you are going thru, its sooo hard to go thru this! But try to keep positive and do the best you can day by day and I am pulling for you to get your positive!!

Chris

lsmariev · 08-19-2006, 03:36 AM

Wan2B3 - How are u holding up?... Hoping you are feeling better.

Have a nice weekend!!

Lucy · 08-19-2006, 06:43 AM

Want2b3
Like most ladies here, I know how you feel. My period came yesterday, I can't take it..I am just numb and sooo dissappointed. I have been going religiously once a week to an acupunturist and drinking teas (some taste like hell) 6 out of 7 days of the week for the past 6 months> This month is the end of "the program" I don't feel I gained from it...It has been 4 long years TTC failed IUIs, IVF w/m/c, now wanted to go the natural way but again same old song every month. In the meantime everyone getting pregnant and asking why I don't want kids..since I like my privacy, I don't verbalize my "little secret" and make up an excuse. So hang in there, hoping next month will be the big month! otherwise just distract yourself with something before going totally depressed. God bless
Lucy

08-18-2006, 09:18 AM	#1 (permalink)
wan2b3+ Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 2,109	I'm scared -i need someone to hold my hand Things seemed really good this cycle - all my tests showed everything was normal to good - and I really got my hopes up -despite my better judgement. This is my first cycle with my RE -so I don't really know if this cycle is better than previous ones, just that everything looks pretty good. Now I'm really scared of the big BFN -it just seems like it's going to hurt worse this time. I'm 8dpo and spotting exactly the same as I always do 8dpo, so even though I know thre is hope -deep down I feel this cycle is a bust. I'm so terrified of the BFN this time! Thanks for reading my pity party. I hate feeling this way. __________________ D. In Dallas

08-18-2006, 10:12 AM	#3 (permalink)
BC-AEO&A 10000-15000 post ace of hearts Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 19,132	Tons of s D. I so know how you feel. I agree with Dina, in that the testing and getting BFNs seem even worse than waiting it out for AF. I took that approach this cycle, and it really was better for me. Your spotting is right on for implant spotting, and it doesn't seem like it would be prog related since your P4 was good, so not sure on that. IF just plain sucks. The added stress and anxiousness it adds to every cycle is sometimes just too much to bear. Hang in there, I'm right here with you! __________________ ~A~ *Ethan* *Owen* Aidan Check out the free auction area on FT!! Last edited by BC-AE&O; 08-18-2006 at 10:17 AM.

08-18-2006, 10:44 AM	#5 (permalink)
beaglenutty 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Webster, NY Posts: 2,290	I can totally relate to what your going through. Right now I'm 13 DPO and I'm going crazy. It took a poas two days ago and it was bfp. I can't wait until af comes. The whole tww I drive myself and dh crazy. I didn't really help but I know excatly what your going through. __________________ Jen (33) DH (36) After 4 IUIs 1 IVF/ICSI FET 9/7/07 BFP Our miracle Madeline Rose born 5/21/08

08-18-2006, 11:41 AM	#6 (permalink)
wan2b3+ Registered User Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Dallas, TX Posts: 2,109	Thanks everyone....I'm really climbing the ledge today and apprecite the hand holding. Lets' see...to answer questions... I was hoping not to test until next Tuesday or Wed -I'm going to try to wait it out. That would be 12 dpo. My decision to test is usually linked to how much spotting I have. Thanks again ladies -I don't know what I would do with out this forum - noone else gets it -not even DH. The doc really doesn't seem too concerned about the spotting per se -he says in and of itself it is not a problem. My prog testes this cycle was my first P4 test and it was good. It's also my first cycle on Clomid, so I was hoping the good P4 meant no spotting this time, but apparently not. It's the same old song and dance. And as for taking my mind off things -my brother and his family are in town and that's a great distraction -except when I'm here at work! __________________ D. In Dallas

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08-18-2006, 10:23 AM	#4 (permalink)
lsmariev 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Fort Stewart, GA Posts: 1,592	I am so sorry you feel that way. I can relate. I hope you get your bfp this cycle. I agree with DKNY and think is better to wait for AF than test before AF is due and have a BFN and then wonder if is a false negative and then it gets worse with the PMS symptoms, because usually I get irritable days before AF. Can you do something to take a little your mind off this, like doing a new project and that the days go more quickly. I hope you feel better soon. Loyda

08-18-2006, 01:41 PM	#7 (permalink)
thunderbird 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Bay area, california Posts: 1,731	Good luck, Wan2b3! You should go out, or get a good book from the library or anything. That's what I do when I'm getting nuts after O. Doesn't always work, but even a couple of hours of diversion works. I just got a new computer game in preparation for my 2ww.

08-18-2006, 01:52 PM	#8 (permalink)
jerseymom35 Registered User Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: new jersey Posts: 32	Hi D, I wish I had the perfect words to say to you to make you feel better! Just want you to know I understand what you are going thru, its sooo hard to go thru this! But try to keep positive and do the best you can day by day and I am pulling for you to get your positive!! Chris

08-19-2006, 03:36 AM	#9 (permalink)
lsmariev 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Fort Stewart, GA Posts: 1,592	Wan2B3 - How are u holding up?... Hoping you are feeling better. Have a nice weekend!!

08-19-2006, 06:43 AM	#10 (permalink)
Lucy Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 39	Want2b3 Like most ladies here, I know how you feel. My period came yesterday, I can't take it..I am just numb and sooo dissappointed. I have been going religiously once a week to an acupunturist and drinking teas (some taste like hell) 6 out of 7 days of the week for the past 6 months> This month is the end of "the program" I don't feel I gained from it...It has been 4 long years TTC failed IUIs, IVF w/m/c, now wanted to go the natural way but again same old song every month. In the meantime everyone getting pregnant and asking why I don't want kids..since I like my privacy, I don't verbalize my "little secret" and make up an excuse. So hang in there, hoping next month will be the big month! otherwise just distract yourself with something before going totally depressed. God bless Lucy