Bad day

Birdbrain2 · 10-20-2005, 02:14 PM

still nothing yet......this is cd 15 and Im still getting lots of creamy cm........not pink anymore........but still creamy. No sign whatsoever of eggwhite cm!!! I dunno what to think. Temps are fair......but i have a bad feeling about this cycle.

Im just having a bad day I guess. We went out for lunch, and to a little giftshop in town......and you see all the christmas stuff out. honestly I dont want Christmas to even come.........my due date was Dec 19th. Christmas was going to be so much different this year.....I wasnt going to be everyone's charity case or the one member of the family in the shadows b/ I didnt have any kids...... Well Christmas is going to be different alright......but not for the reasons I was hoping for.

Its so frusterating not knowing what's in store for us. I was really hoping to be pregnant before my due date (like so many other people seem to be able to do) but I dont know why I was even kidding myself......I just dont think its going to happen. I dont even think it looks good for O even. If i dont O this cycle......then thats it with the "easy meds" next stop is injects.......and they will cost us $1000 per cycle that insurance wont cover.

UGH sorry guys im just really in a bad mood!! Thanks for listening!!
Karen

LisaN · 10-20-2005, 03:41 PM

Karen, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard day. This IF rollercoaster is a monster. I'm having a hard time as well----I have a nonviable pregnancy and am waiting for a m/c but instead my beta is slooowly rising.

I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to conceive by Christmas----that seems very important to you. You wrote that you "weren't going to be everyone's charity case or in the shadows"? That breaks my heart-----are you being too hard on yourself?

I wish I had wonderful words of advice for you (cause I'd tell you, then tell them to myself) but I don't. Just (((hugs))).

Please take care,
Lisa

**BC-Maura** · 10-20-2005, 05:10 PM

Oh, Karen, I'm sorry too! Please don't give up on this cycle... fertile cm can swoop down suddenly and tomorrow you could easily wake up and find yourself with ewcm. And remember, you don't need ewcm to get pg. Creamy cm can still be fertile cm, so don't stop BMSing just yet. If you are burnt out, give yourself a day off here and there, but I would keep BMSing at leat through cd 20 or so.

As for the emotional toll of IF, Lisa is so right. IF is a MONSTER. It is a heartbreaking, joystealing, hopesmashing $%#^#$. It turns well-rounded women into monomaniacs, whose only focus is on cds and OPKs and 2wws, etc. We ALL understand totally. And those of us who have had m/cs understand the pain that former due dates can bring.

Finding ways to alleviate your stress and distract yourself are key. Talking to others who are going through it helps a lot, which is why FT is so great. Exercise helps a lot of people. My thing turned out to be acupuncture. It turned my outlook around and gave me hope (my practitioner was a godsend). Also it made me feel better physically. If you haven't tried it, you might want to consider it. Or try yoga or something like that?

Anyway, sending you lots of {{{HUGS}}} and hope for O to come soon... don't give up on this cycle!

Good luck and keep in touch++++++++++
Maura

jules75 · 10-20-2005, 07:20 PM

Karen- So sorry to hear about your bad day. I've been where you are and past it. I wanted to be pg by my due date too which was April 26th-statistics (I hate stats by the way) say most women get pg again by their m/c due date but it didn't happen for me. Infact, I passed my m/c date as well Sept 24th. I had that as my next goal date after I passed up the due date. Now, I am coming up on the time it was okay for us to start ttc again-so its almost been a year since the whole process and I was so sure I'd be pg again by now-SIGH!!! Oh well, at this point when those little thoughts pop in my head I immediately ignore them-that is easier than it use to be. The voices get very loud though when I hear that someone else is pg and it takes a lot more willpower to not listen to them. I hope that this turns out to be your lucky cycle-hang in there-it will happen for you/us again!! Good luck w/the O thing and keep us posted. Chin up girl!!

Jules

wantsababy2 · 10-21-2005, 07:32 AM

Karen-
I'm sorry you're having such a bad day. IF totally SUCKS.

But, you still have lots of time to O! Try not to worry too much. cm can be unreliable. My OB/GYN poo-pooed the whole idea - he said you can't tell anything by it if you are having every-other-day BMS because you can't know if its ejaculate or cm. I could never tell anything by my cm. Looks the same to me most of the time. I even had hubby try, he can't tell either. All he could determine was "Yup, you're happy!" All I do know is that it does tend to dry up after O.

Its impossible not to worry, so I won't even tell you to try. Occupying myself and keeping busy every hour of the day helps me pass the time while I wait. Keep your chin up, you WILL achieve your goal, its just a matter of time!

Lisa-
I'm so sorry about your beta hell. I was there in Aug. and hope I never have to go through that again. I never thought I'd wish for AF to come, but that was one time I was praying for it every night. What a cruel, horrible thing - to be pg and be told its unviable, to carry "it" for who knows how long. I feel for you, I really do. I hope the wait is over for you soon.

Hugz

to you both.

**BC-DKNY** · 10-21-2005, 08:39 AM

karen....just wanted to offer you some cyber {{{hugs}}}

10-20-2005, 02:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
Birdbrain2 Registered User Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Virginia Posts: 171	Bad day still nothing yet......this is cd 15 and Im still getting lots of creamy cm........not pink anymore........but still creamy. No sign whatsoever of eggwhite cm!!! I dunno what to think. Temps are fair......but i have a bad feeling about this cycle. Im just having a bad day I guess. We went out for lunch, and to a little giftshop in town......and you see all the christmas stuff out. honestly I dont want Christmas to even come.........my due date was Dec 19th. Christmas was going to be so much different this year.....I wasnt going to be everyone's charity case or the one member of the family in the shadows b/ I didnt have any kids...... Well Christmas is going to be different alright......but not for the reasons I was hoping for. Its so frusterating not knowing what's in store for us. I was really hoping to be pregnant before my due date (like so many other people seem to be able to do) but I dont know why I was even kidding myself......I just dont think its going to happen. I dont even think it looks good for O even. If i dont O this cycle......then thats it with the "easy meds" next stop is injects.......and they will cost us $1000 per cycle that insurance wont cover. UGH sorry guys im just really in a bad mood!! Thanks for listening!! Karen

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10-20-2005, 03:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
LisaN 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: New England Posts: 2,335	Karen, I'm so sorry you are having such a hard day. This IF rollercoaster is a monster. I'm having a hard time as well----I have a nonviable pregnancy and am waiting for a m/c but instead my beta is slooowly rising. I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to conceive by Christmas----that seems very important to you. You wrote that you "weren't going to be everyone's charity case or in the shadows"? That breaks my heart-----are you being too hard on yourself? I wish I had wonderful words of advice for you (cause I'd tell you, then tell them to myself) but I don't. Just (((hugs))). Please take care, Lisa

10-20-2005, 05:10 PM	#3 (permalink)
BC-Maura Board Coordinator Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 12,945	Oh, Karen, I'm sorry too! Please don't give up on this cycle... fertile cm can swoop down suddenly and tomorrow you could easily wake up and find yourself with ewcm. And remember, you don't need ewcm to get pg. Creamy cm can still be fertile cm, so don't stop BMSing just yet. If you are burnt out, give yourself a day off here and there, but I would keep BMSing at leat through cd 20 or so. As for the emotional toll of IF, Lisa is so right. IF is a MONSTER. It is a heartbreaking, joystealing, hopesmashing $%#^#$. It turns well-rounded women into monomaniacs, whose only focus is on cds and OPKs and 2wws, etc. We ALL understand totally. And those of us who have had m/cs understand the pain that former due dates can bring. Finding ways to alleviate your stress and distract yourself are key. Talking to others who are going through it helps a lot, which is why FT is so great. Exercise helps a lot of people. My thing turned out to be acupuncture. It turned my outlook around and gave me hope (my practitioner was a godsend). Also it made me feel better physically. If you haven't tried it, you might want to consider it. Or try yoga or something like that? Anyway, sending you lots of {{{HUGS}}} and hope for O to come soon... don't give up on this cycle! Good luck and keep in touch++++++++++ Maura

10-20-2005, 07:20 PM	#4 (permalink)
jules75 Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: oregon Posts: 1,546	Karen- So sorry to hear about your bad day. I've been where you are and past it. I wanted to be pg by my due date too which was April 26th-statistics (I hate stats by the way) say most women get pg again by their m/c due date but it didn't happen for me. Infact, I passed my m/c date as well Sept 24th. I had that as my next goal date after I passed up the due date. Now, I am coming up on the time it was okay for us to start ttc again-so its almost been a year since the whole process and I was so sure I'd be pg again by now-SIGH!!! Oh well, at this point when those little thoughts pop in my head I immediately ignore them-that is easier than it use to be. The voices get very loud though when I hear that someone else is pg and it takes a lot more willpower to not listen to them. I hope that this turns out to be your lucky cycle-hang in there-it will happen for you/us again!! Good luck w/the O thing and keep us posted. Chin up girl!! Jules

10-21-2005, 07:32 AM	#5 (permalink)
wantsababy2 1000-4999 post queen of hearts Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Canada Posts: 2,880	Karen- I'm sorry you're having such a bad day. IF totally SUCKS. But, you still have lots of time to O! Try not to worry too much. cm can be unreliable. My OB/GYN poo-pooed the whole idea - he said you can't tell anything by it if you are having every-other-day BMS because you can't know if its ejaculate or cm. I could never tell anything by my cm. Looks the same to me most of the time. I even had hubby try, he can't tell either. All he could determine was "Yup, you're happy!" All I do know is that it does tend to dry up after O. Its impossible not to worry, so I won't even tell you to try. Occupying myself and keeping busy every hour of the day helps me pass the time while I wait. Keep your chin up, you WILL achieve your goal, its just a matter of time! Lisa- I'm so sorry about your beta hell. I was there in Aug. and hope I never have to go through that again. I never thought I'd wish for AF to come, but that was one time I was praying for it every night. What a cruel, horrible thing - to be pg and be told its unviable, to carry "it" for who knows how long. I feel for you, I really do. I hope the wait is over for you soon. Hugz to you both.