I'm selfish??

[Hope in 09]

My younger sister is almost 5 months pregnant. A few weeks after she told me I had a laproscopic procedure to determine why i can't get pregnant (3+ years and have had 3 miscarriages)-then had to wait nearly 2 weeks for a followup appointment with the doctor to know the results. She told me to take time and space so I did as it was a tough month. The same month my husband found out that he was offered a job transfer/promotion. So knowing, or thinking, that i had her blessing i took about 4 weeks to deal with everything going on in my life. I then started to contact her and make efforts to get together. She has denied my attempts and has accused me of being selfish and abandoning her when she needed me the most. After being yelled out-both written and spoken word by her i am exasperated. She is stressing me out and that is the last thing i need when I'm trying to get pregnant-i just had my second IUI last week (she doesn't know).

Anyone else been accused of being selfish? Does protecting myself make me selfish?

[Charity]

This is a tough one kiddo...I can understand you needing a bit of time to focus on "you", and you shouldn't feel selfish for that. But she is obviously scared and feeling vulnerable right now during her pregnancy, and wants her sissy there for her to lean on. She has communicated that poorly, but I think it's a bit of hurt that are actually fueling her harsh words. You obviously both rely on the other as a support system, and you both are so blessed to have one another. When you are so close, feelings can sometimes get hurt easily. Add in the hormones, and Lord knows what can happen ...I guess what I'm trying to say is that while you should not feel selfish at all, and she poorly communicated that she needed you, you two are too close to let something like this get in the way at such a momentous and stressful time in both of your lives. My advice, go to see her and before saying a word, just give her a big hug and tell her you're here for her now, and that you need her just as much. She is a little wrapped up in her own condition right now, and without knowing her, I'm guessing that this is just a temporary thing. Good luck to you, and be thankful for the blessing you have...You're not selfish, and please don't question your feelings. If you're feeling them, then they're valid and real. Oh! Good luck in your 2WW hon! I hope your BFP is just around the corner...

[Hope in 09]

Thank you Charity for your thoughts and advice. Good luck to you next month!
Hope

[Little fluff]

I don't think that you are selfish at all. Sometimes we need to take a step back and regroup our strength. Hopefully by now you and your sister are talking again. Best wishes in the 2ww.

[LuluSpeaks]

Hi, Hope, I posted this on another board but I thought i'd post it here for your too:

My husband and I have entered the world of infertility recently. I've just finished 2 surgurys to correct a couple of things. We are attending IVF classes next week and then we're on our way to having our baby.
My younger sister is just about to have her 5th baby. I'm very happy for her and have been very supportive since she told me. I even helped pick out the baby's name. I was also very supportive for her previous 4 pregnancies. I am very close to her children and they occasionally call me "Mom" because of my presence in their lives. That was before I married and moved to the east coast.
I planned to stay with her for two weeks to help her out while she delivered at got acclimated at home with #5 starting next week. She wanted me to stay a whole month to drive her kids to their various school activities, but it was hard enough to convince my husband to live without me for 2 weeks. BTW, I also helped with her baby shower by sending out Evites which are email invitations and also electronic thank yous to her guests.
I already paid for my plane ticket and was set to go. Well, last week she got angry with me over the phone when I told her that her former friend asked me how she was and I informed her that my sister's pregnant again. My sister became necessarily harsh. Since then she hasn't called and neither have I.
So I sent her an email that I canceled my plans to do "Something came up". My sister is the only one who knows about our plans for IVF. She knows how much I love my nieces and nephews and how excited I am about the new baby. But now she's made it impossible for me to be there and be apart of the new baby's life.
I am very sad about this development but I feel that God is telling me that I have to make my own family a priority. If I went to the west, I would miss the appointments and push back the schedule to start my own family!
My husband asked me "If you were going to have a baby, do you think she, and the other sister you helped out, would come all the way here to help you out?" The answer would be "NO".
I'm ready now to focus on my life and put my family first. This event, though unfortunate, has made clearer to me what my priority should be.

Hope, I hope the situation with your sister has been cleared up. But in my opinion, you don't have to justify your life to anyone but your husband. You have your own family to think about. I don't think you were selfish at all. I don't know why your sister had to act so hateful towards you for living your life the way you wanted to. but it sounds like she's used to wiping her feet all over you. I wouldn't take that. If you can forgive her please do so. But you don't have to listen to or be around someone with a nasty attitude towards you.