Need some advice (friend's mc ment'd) (Same as Parenting Multiples post)

[JKX2]

I'm not sure where to post this to get the advice I'm seeking, but I thought I would try here and the Parenting Multiples board. A very good friend of mine has had trouble getting pregnant with her 2d child. She had her first through IVF #1. They subsequently did two FET, then got pregnant on her own, but mc'ed early or got a BFN (with one of the FETs).

Her IF clinic has closed and she is going to another one. They have recommended ZIFT/GIFT (?) using 5 embryos. That seems like a ton of embryos to me. I mentioned that to her, but she said that's what the RE's protocol was (maybe it's different than when you are doing IVF, where I always heard 3 is recommended?). By reputation I have heard of her RE and he is known to have a lot of pregnancy success, but also HOM. After this conversation, I decided to keep my mouth shut so we haven't talked about the numbers of embryos again.

Here's where I need the advice. In today's paper there is an article about a surrogate in our area having quintuplets. The kicker is, the IP and SM (GS) used the same RE that my friend is seeing. The IP and SM transferred five embryos and achieved five babies--the RE suggests that there could be twinning in the IP's family. The GS/SM has previously had 4 pregnancies which resulted in 4 children.

Do you think I should stay out of it, or send her the article? I am really worried because, like the IP and SM, she is totally against SR and with her little body, I just don't think she could carry more than two, if not just one. What should I do?

BTW, this is the same friend who I had the very hard time telling I was pg. I posted about her months ago.

Thanks for the help!

JKX2
edd August 12 - 1 munchkin of unknown sex

[Lindey]

gosh that is a tough one, i would imagine she is thinking along the lines of the more they put in the higher the chance of a positive pregnancy test, and she probably hasnt thought much further than that. maybe i would just mention in passing, ''hey did you hear about that lady pregnant with 5!! and what a small world she saw the same RE as you'' maybe something along those lines, as if its just in converstaion rather than it sounding like you are attacking her choices?? i think which ever way she hears, she ought to hear, if she hasnt already done so.

[sarahp]

i agree with lindey....maybe just mentioning it in passing will put a little bug in her ear. i wouldn't make too much of a deal out of it though b/c lindey's right....she is probably just thinking "i need the best chance to get pg! and 5 is that chance!"....it's a personal decision for her and her dh to make, although i hope someone has explained the risks to her.
take care
sarah

[jeninsfca]

This is a tough situation. It would drive me nuts not to say something, but I would worry about upsetting her. I think I would try to find a way to bring it up gently (like mentioning the woman with the quints as Lindey said), and just explain that you are worried, that you want to make sure that she is taken care of because she means a lot to you.

I did a lot of reading before this FET concerning how many to transfer. We had a total of 14 frozen and ultimately decided to transfer only 2. I read that the there is new research indicating that transfering higher numbers actually decreases the chances of success. I can't remember the exact number but I think it was anything over 3 and the odds of any implanting at all go down. When I was deciding between 2 and 3 there was no shortage of friends and relatives offering advice and everyone said "2!" even though I was leaning toward 3. I'm glad they all put their two cents in because as wonderful as the end results are with twins or triplets, the journey to get them is a lot of hard work and worry.

[punky]

Tough. I don't have a lot of advice since I don't know much about it. I still have trouble with all those initials...lol

Anyway, with that said I totally understand what you are feeling and completely agree with you. Maybe someone else could give her the article or you can tell her you saw an article in the paper about her doctor but you aren't sure what it's about?? Then give it to her to read??

If you feel strongly, tell her about it.