How are your dh's doing (warning rant)

[jules75]

How are your dh's doing w/helping out?

To be honest I thought dh would help out more than he does. However, if I ask him to help out he usually jumps right in w/o complaint so maybe I should do that more. One thing is that Nolan of course prefers me over anyone right now so his happiness when w/dh is only for a limited time. This is normal I am sure-or so I've been told.

I am pretty sure I have overactive let down which results in me drowning ds at the boob at feeding time. This leads to him crying, spitting up, and freaking out at the boob-he does wonderful w/a bottle & BM though. We are trying to work this out w/different nursing techniques. Last night Nolan was having a melt down thanks to me drowing him at feeding time again and dh offered to take him to let me have a break. I told him I appreciated the offer but that Nolan and I had to work together to resolve the issue. We were fine 10 minutes later but I felt I really had some support from dh. I think he offered because I laid into him the other night. He had worked a double shift (48hrs) so I had really no help for 48 hours and my dd had a b-day party w/5 girls and her 3 cousins at a huge indoor jungle gym on dh's first day off. He was still at work when we left so I didn't see him until 6pm that night-so really like 60 hours I've done everything myself w/the baby. I get home exaughsted and he goes over to the neighbors for "a few minutes." It was 2 hours!!! I had dealt w/the baby for 60 hours straight by myself, I had put on a b-day party w/5 tween girls and 3 girls 4 and under, I hadn't eaten since 1:30pm and I still had to feed the baby, bathe the baby, and put him down-that means no dinner for me until 8:30pm. Dh came home and apologized for being gone so long but said "But its not like I had anything else going on." One look at my face and he knew I was about to lose it. I explained what the situation was and he had the wisdom to look sorry and put in his place. He has been more helpful but still, he better enjoy this time because when I go back to work-the baby is all his on his days off-he is in for a rude awakening-hahahaha!! Then, after all of that he had the nerve to ask about sex!! I asked him when he thought I'd possibly had the time to even think about sex much less feel like it....men, I swear, one track minds-they are either thinking about themselves or their penises

Sorry so long but I needed to vent.

Julie

[Pecan]

Julie, I am wth you about men and their penises. Dh has been pretty good about helping out. He even did a part time schedule to facilitate this --- he has taken care of ds and the meals. I do find though that sometimes he won't help w/a particular chore unless I ask. You've got to spell it out for them sometimes.

Oh yeah, i've had the sex question too. Never mind that I had a csection!!!

It'll get better.

Pecan

[BC-LittleaBige]

I thought that since I had a C-Section and vaginal delivery that the Drs. would tell me I couldn't have sex for 12 weeks. Six weeks for each right?? Well, more like I was hoping they would say that. In the hospital my DH had the nerve to ask my OB when sex was OK agan. Of course Dr. said oh she should be fine in 6 weeks. If my Dr. was a woman I bet she would have had a different number for him. He marked the day that we could have sex again on the calendar and kept reminding me the closer we got to it. I hate penises sometimes. Well, most of the time, unless I need them to make a baby. Hope your DH helps out more. Mine has yet to even give one of the babies a bath yet.

Christi

[CrystalAZ]

My DH helps, but man-help is different than woman-help. My mom or MIL take care of the baby very well - they sing, play with him, interact with him, etc. DH holds him while watching tv without much interaction at all. He also gets flustered easily if the baby is crying, so it is stressful for ME to let him help sometimes.

And of course, he doesn't even SEE dirt, bowls and empty soda cans, so I have to remind him to pick stuff up and clean up after himself all the time.

As far as sex, we started again really early, but it was 100% for him. I still have no interest (and remember, my baby came early - June 9!). So while DH hasn't missed out sexually (we do it almost every day), he is now stressing because I am not interested and not interested in orgasms. I know men and women are different but he doesn't get that not being interested in sex does NOT equal not finding him attractive or loving him. It may be a while before I care again, and *I* think he is lucky to still be getting it. Sex is just not a priority right now.

Crystal

[jules75]

Crystal-you are killing me....everyday....crap!! My dh better not get wind of that. I told him he was lucky I didn't have to wait the 6 weeks. Yeah, I made the mistake of saying maybe we should do it just to get it over with-not the best thing to say. Oops. We haven't had "relations" recently because I was having the contraction issue at the end of the pg and dh worried about making it worse or ending up putting me in labor too early. You'd think their heads were going to explode or something if they have to wait a little while. Oh and dh told me that he doesn't want me to not have sex w/him because I feel unattractive-that shouldn't even be the issue....yeah okay honey!! I am lucky that dh does do a lot of the grocery shopping and does dinner, however, I do all the rest of the housework. My dh holds ds while watching TV too and gets somewhat offended if he starts to cry then immediately quiets when I take him. That's what happens when we spend all day, everyday w/the baby-what a concept!!

Pecan-You're right...they need it spelled out and highlighted!! Yeah, what do they say about sex and a c-section? I tried telling dh we should wait until I am done spotting-I don't think he's really buying it-darn it!!

Christi-My dh has helped w/the bath but I told him he needs to bathe him on his own since they we will on their own together soon and he needs to feel competent. He marked the day on the calendar???? Too funny!! Yeah, I told dh I got what I wanted from him and his penis-of course I was kidding but he looked offended.

I guess I am gonna have to suck it up and give it up huh? So question then, what do you do about your boobs if you are breast feeding? Are they gonna drip? I am really stressed about that issue. Any suggestions?

Julie

[Jenniferm]

Barge from January.

First of all, congrats on the baby/babies. Nice to see all the August Mommies!

My dh, helps....occasionally. He did ok when the baby was younger (feels funny saying that as dh is 8 months). Dh did some night feedings, allowed me to hire a night nanny for a few nights a week and even cooked a few times. As my DS Sander gets older my Dh's help is getting less and less.

Now that it is football season I have to change my mindset that I will get ANY help on sundays. This past sunday dh was watching golf, football and baseball at once for about 6 hours.

I did 3 loads of wash, made lunch and dinner, cleaned the 3rd floor all while watching a cranky baby.

Hang in there. I agree that sometimes you need to spell out how Dh can help. Sometimes I say "I need you to do.....now". Keep in mind there is a case of water in my car that has been there since last sunday and I have a bad back and have asked dh to get it out of the car 3 times.

I guess I am not of any help. I will check back for advice if anyone has any.

[Jenniferm]

Barge from January.

First of all, congrats on the baby/babies. Nice to see all the August Mommies!

My dh, helps....occasionally. He did ok when the baby was younger (feels funny saying that as dh is 8 months). Dh did some night feedings, allowed me to hire a night nanny for a few nights a week and even cooked a few times. As my DS Sander gets older my Dh's help is getting less and less.

Now that it is football season I have to change my mindset that I will get ANY help on sundays. This past sunday dh was watching golf, football and baseball at once for about 6 hours.

I did 3 loads of wash, made lunch and dinner, cleaned the 3rd floor all while watching a cranky baby.

Hang in there. I agree that sometimes you need to spell out how Dh can help. Sometimes I say "I need you to do.....now". Keep in mind there is a case of water in my car that has been there since last sunday and I have a bad back and have asked dh to get it out of the car 3 times.

I guess I am not of any help. I will check back for advice if anyone has any.

[Jenniferm]

Barge from January.

First of all, congrats on the baby/babies. Nice to see all the August Mommies!

My dh, helps....occasionally. He did ok when the baby was younger (feels funny saying that as dh is 8 months). Dh did some night feedings, allowed me to hire a night nanny for a few nights a week and even cooked a few times. As my DS Sander gets older my Dh's help is getting less and less.

Now that it is football season I have to change my mindset that I will get ANY help on sundays. This past sunday dh was watching golf, football and baseball at once for about 6 hours.

I did 3 loads of wash, made lunch and dinner, cleaned the 3rd floor all while watching a cranky baby.

Hang in there. I agree that sometimes you need to spell out how Dh can help. Sometimes I say "I need you to do.....now". Keep in mind there is a case of water in my car that has been there since last sunday and I have a bad back and have asked dh to get it out of the car 3 times.

I guess I am not of any help. I will check back for advice if anyone has any.

[A_A_AMom]

Barge-

Julie-
As far as leaking while doing the deed. If I have just nursed Addison it usually isn't a problem, but it has been a few hours I will usually leave a bra and nursing pads on. I don't exactly consider my boods an erogenous zone right now. I remember with my last DS I felt the same way, I just preferred my DH to leave them alone, after he was done nursing they gained other purposes again.

[Pecan]

Julie, dh stays away from the girls for now. I think that after seeing me nurse and pump he just thinks of them as Warrick's source of food.

Pecan