Teenagers! Step-moms/dads. UGH, I'm in hell.

[Janere]

Okay, so Zach is almost 15 and he is every bit a teenager. He comes complete with eye rolling, head shaking, sense of entitlement and that attitude that makes me want to lock him in his room and not let him out until he's 20. What is it? Hormones?

So yesterday in our house was BAAAADDDD!! I was sick with some mystery illness that caused a really high fever, extreme muscle aches and I couldn't even stand up my legs were so weak and shaky. Much better today, but still have a low grade fever.

Anyway, we have a baby gate between the living room and kitchen and Zach opened it and Sterling tried to go through it at the same time Zach was trying to go through it and Zach didn't open it wide enough for them both to go through and Sterling's head kind of got smashed against it (she cried for 5 seconds..really, it wasn't that bad), Linda got upset and pushed Zach from behind...and then it happened.

Zach turned around and bowed up to her. It was not pretty. She bowed up to him and dared him to hit her and told him to give it his best shot, etc...etc.. it was kind of a blur because I was in shock.

I was on the couch, in a haze of fever just looking at them because really? I couldn't believe that was happening! Then it was over, she sent him to his room for an hour and then it was like nothing ever happened.

I'm afraid to bring it up, but seriously...we need to sit down as a family and talk about this don't you think? I don't ever want this to happen again, especially not in front of Sterling. I think they were both out of line especially Linda. If I bring it up, she will think I'm taking his side and I never make him accountable for his actions, but he's 14! She's an adult!

Am I over-reacting? I remember my brothers bowing up to our dad so part of me thinks it's a natural agression/teenage/hormonal thing, but another part of me thinks Zach was just reacting to being pushed and then another part of me thinks he was wrong and she was wrong.

Okay, so obviously I'm in turmoil about this whole situation. And Linda is sick today with whatever I had... so I can't bring it up at least until tomorrow. *sigh*

The whole situation makes my stomach hurt.

Thoughts?

[agnes2712]

Awww....the joy of teenagers. For the past few years we have had my stepson and my son both here, totally different personalities. My stepson would never bow up to anyone, he is just more of an introvert. But, my son is more like me, extrovert, outgoing, independent, etc. I think with that type of personality, you do get more aggression and just more of their own opinion.

Anyway, my son did try to bow up to me this past summer. I dont remember the details but he was mad at me about something and turned around and bowed up to me. Oh, you should have seen this Mamma with my feathers ruffled......LOL! I told him, "who do you think you are bowing up to me?" I am YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE BEEN THROUGH BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS OVER YOU. I DESERVE RESPECT AND YOU WILL TREAT ME WITH RESPECT!" "I said, "Dont you dare ever try that with me again!"
I sent him to his room and he has never done it again.

I am not saying that it could not lead to a serious problem. But, it could just be him testing the boundaries. And he just needs to know that this behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated again! Esp, in front of Sterling! Let him know if it happens again that their will be consequences. I hope it was just a one time thing. Isnt if fun having a teenager and a 2 year old? (almost one in the same....LOL).

[bayoubaby1]

Geez, Kathy! I hate when these sorts of things happen. I definitely think that this is something that needs to be talked about. With that being said here is my two cents...

It is most certainly an age thing with your son. I teach children his age so I deal with them on a daily basis so I know what you mean about attitude...and yes, their are lots of hormones raging too so that is NO help.

Here is what I am thinking that I would do...depending on how things usually work better with they two of them talking things out with you...you may want to do it seperate if you think that it would be better, but I tend to want to sit everyone down together so that you can all hear what is being said about the other, etc. I would maybe atart out by saying that there was a misunderstanding earlier, yesterday, etc. and that you wanted to set things straight. I would then tell them to please hear what you have to say before interrupting and that then you can all discuss what happened. You know that things got out of hand and you never want it to happen again...you know that he did not mean to smash Sterling's head, it was an accident...you also know that Linda was freaked out because she thought that Sterling was hurt, but that when she pushed him it it made him aggressive too and that any type of agressive behavior is completely unacceptable in this house, especially in front of Sterling. I would also tell them that you are not angry at either one of them, but you are upset with the situation and that you want to make sure that it never happens again.

Accidents happen and people overreact in stressful situations. I would just try to be firm and keep it cool...we call a "timeout" here when one of us gets upset, and we also say "tone" if one of us inadvertanly raises our voices even if we are just excited or talking about something that annoys us, etc. because Chance gets SO upset if he even THINKS that we are upset with each other (he is supersensitive, little angel!). Those are ways that we keep cool here.

I hope that you can all talk things over soon and that things go well for all of your sakes.

The new avatar is adorable! She looks like a little girl now! Where did our babies go?