gentle discipline

[BC-Lulu_4]

HELP!! How can i get ds to stop hitting, head butting, pinching, and biting me?? Oh, and he is a hair puller too. Dh first said to pinch, hit, bite, or pull his hair, but then dh played biting him and J does it more now. He leaves bruises. I swear he is going to break my nose with his head butts.

Any advice??

[wildfire]

Personally I would tell him "hitting hurts mommy" firmly and then immediately redirect with :" let's color instead (name activity)" and physically take him and start an activity with a smile.

Kids need to be distracted as well as told what is not ok to do.

I also would discourage DH from the roughhousing too much at this age, b/c J doesn't have the social awareness of what is appropriate and what is a bad time to do it.
Babies aren't aware of these things yet and cannot just be told no. They don't get why you are angry or in pain etc.

I agree ; Don't do it back. How can you say don't hit bite etc if YOU are doing it? That's very confusing for a little person and totally defeats your respectibility to the child in the future.

It WILL take time but remember, their memories are short and their understanding is still limited when it comes to these things so even stopping once is an improvement, but they WILL forget 30 min later and try again.

Keep at it, it will work though. One day it just "clicks"

[Cat Mom]

I've been lurking on this board and haven't posted before. However your post intrigued me because our DS had his 13 month check up last Friday and his Pedi discussed discipline with us. One of the techniques he recommended was physically restraining them when they touch or do something you do not want them to do. Place the child on your lap, tuck their legs in between yours, cross your legs at the knees so they cannot move their legs and then hold their arms to their side. Do this for 1 minute and while holding them, tell them why their behavior is not acceptable. If they then go on and do the unacceptable behavior again, hold them for 1 minute and 15 seconds. He said to increase by 15 seconds each time. He told us this technique works because you are restricting their freedom and they hate that as toddlers. He has 6 kids, his wife is a Pedi also, so I trust his judgement.

We have tried this 2x already with our DS. He has a fascination with our woodburning stove. We had told him no, grabbed his hands and told him not to touch, physically picked him up and moved him, and tried to distract him with toys. They worked for a short while. Since we have done what our Pedi recommended he no longer touches it. He'll look like he wants to, but won't touch.

Hopefully this helps you.

[Natalie Rose]

Redirect him by getting him interested in doing the exact same thing to something else. That sounds rambly but this is what I mean: if he is pinching you, say "J, that hurts mommy and you may not pinch me. But you may pinch this pillow." Same if he is hitting you, scratching you, whatever.

Redirect and distract, that's all you can do at this age. If you just keep trying to stop him then you will be frustrated because he has the need to do it and won't stop until that need is satisfied, just give him a safer way to do it.

[mommyatlast]

E started down this road....but mostly with kicking . E loves loves loves his books, so I did some research and went to Barnes and Noble and got the books, {Hands aren't for Hitting" and "Feet aren't for Kicking" and he stopped almost immediately. Good luck!

[Caro2]

Originally Posted by Natalie Rose

Redirect him by getting him interested in doing the exact same thing to something else. That sounds rambly but this is what I mean: if he is pinching you, say "J, that hurts mommy and you may not pinch me. But you may pinch this pillow." Same if he is hitting you, scratching you, whatever.

Redirect and distract, that's all you can do at this age. If you just keep trying to stop him then you will be frustrated because he has the need to do it and won't stop until that need is satisfied, just give him a safer way to do it.

Totally agree and I would add:
How much sleep a day does he have? Does he have a restful sleep? A tired child can act like this with little control because they are so wired.

Caro