Trouble adjusting to a new country... help please

[Ceylon]

I have come home to Melbourne for a few months and Bronwen is having a dreadful time dealing with this new 'life'. I cant go to the toilet, I cant have a shower, I cant even get up out of the chair quickly without her screaming with fear and clinging to me like a leech.

I cant tell you what a bad Mummy I feel like because after two weeks of being her all and everything Im exhausted and the idea of leaving her out of the nature strip for the gypsies to take for an hour or two is appealing! In all seriousness, I am hitting the wall and need help. I had no idea how precious those couple of hours at night were when DH would take Bronwen and give me a break.

Bronwen's Dada is still in Canada. Ive been here two weeks, with the possibilty of staying four months. Does anyone have any ideas how to comfort my baby girl and give me a mental break? I feel so guilty in coming overseas with my 13 month old daughter.


Help.... please


Courtney
~~~~~~
Mummy to Bronwen
27th Feb 2005

[TinaB]

I wish I knew what to tell you to do but I don't. It is so hard when they are in strange places and have to adjust. Sending many 's for both of you

[GalaxyGirl]

I can't give advice based on experience, but I'll suggest what feels right to me. Get into a good predictable routine (if you aren't already). Always tell her what you'll be doing next. "After we put your socks & shoes on, we're going to the market." "After we leave market, we'll stop for ..." She is in a strange place and will be unsettled for a bit. I might even suggest going out more often, but always to the same 2 or 3 places. This will give her an opportunity to get to know these places before you introduce her to one or two more. If it is market, church and park/playground for example... you can set up a good routine for going to those places. Spend a bit of time each day outside your new place, letting her explore the front door, steps, yard whatever. Maybe a daily stroller or wagon ride through the neighborhood would help too. Whatever it is, make it for the same time of day followed with a predictable snack and book or something like that. I hope this is helpful. (For all I know you're already doing it.)

Edited to add... I think talking through each 'next' thing will help inside the home too. You mentioned not being free to do simple necessary things... talk through it. Maybe even have a favorite book or toy in the bathroom with you will help her be near you, but occupied. Or so I hope!

[Lois]

Don't give up yet. It may take awhile. HUGS....it sounds like your second guessing your decision. I hope you find a way to "breathe". I know my twins were very clingy to dh a few times when they were sick, but of course that is different.

[TamiK]

no suggestions...just wanted to send you some

[teresab]

I am no help, sorry! ((((HUGS))))

[Ceylon]

thank you for the support ladies... its nice to know Im not alone..... although I can state for a FACT Im not alone when I go to the toilet now days....


Courtney
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Mummy to Bronwen
27th Feb 2005

[nygal]

Well I never get to go alone, either, so don't feel badly about that!

I think Janet (GalaxyGirl) gave you some great ideas - and I have one other seed of thought to plant. If you get to the absolute end of your rope and just need one minute to yourself - if you are afraid you might yell at her or do something worse - you might try putting her in her crib and telling her that you will be right back. Go out of the room for a moment or two - maybe even to the bathroom - give her a stuffed animal, book or favorite toy - or all three - and take yourself away. Breathe deeply, remember that this too shall pass, and you will get your head back. We all need some time to ourselves, so don't feel guilty that you're having a hard time being her one & only.

Also - you mention being "home" in Melbourne - any chance you have friends or family who could get to know your darling and give you a bit of a break once in a while? Or hire a professional babysitter for a few hours a week?

Good luck, hang in there, and come back & tell us how you're doing!

[LindaG]

Courtney, sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time at the moment. You have been given some good advice already, I might add that with the added stress of a new place she is also coping with some separation issues from Daddy too and can't express herself. We took Callum to the UK last year for a holiday he was 16 months and he clung to me for most of the trip, Daddy couldn't really help either. So my thoughts of days shopping with the girls and evenings out evaporated. I wonder if this just some bad coincidence of a trip abroad and her suffering some typical separation issues.
Keep your chin up. Hopefully your family can help you through some of this time, even if it means you leaving her with them for an hour, she needs to realize that you will comeback.

[Ceylon]

I am staying with family, and whilst Bronwen will scoot around and 'visit them' in their various places around the house, if Im not in the chair that I was in when she left, all hell breaks loose. My family would LOVE to look after her and boot me out of the house, but it just isnt happening yet.

I have been trying to keep a form of schedule, but the problem with being on holidays is that there is no schedule..... although most nights by 7pm Im in bed with her (co-sleeping) so that is part of a routine (not great for my night life!!)

I do think she is suffering from seperation anxiety from her Dada, and I feel plenty bad about that, as I know he is suffering the same thing for her. I thought coming home would be such a great thing, and in many ways it is..... but I just never saw this coming.

Thanks for the input, hugs and making me feel better, I love you guys for it.

Courtney
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Mummy to Bronwen
27th Feb 2005