Help with Birth Parents

[mah]

Maybe someone could help me with the following dilemma. My story is long, but I'll try to wrap it up a nutshell. After many years of trying for a second baby, I found a local couple who wanted to give their baby up. (I am a teacher in a high school) and they were my students. Thank goodness they were seniors, so they are gone now. Right now our ds is one years old. Needless to say, I promised them the moon when they were pregnant. Now they continually want to see him. I have limited it to about once every few months, but the real problem is that they take a million pictures of him when they see him, and then post him all over facebook. The bm acts as if she still owns him. I feel bad because I told them they could see him whenever they want, but you know how it is after they are born. It just feels like he is mine and I don't want to share (I know I have too). The internet thing just really bugs me and I told them and they still do it. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[Waiting4aLiLone]

I am so sorry to hear about your dilemma. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I can only imagine how you are feeling. Maybe you can start by telling them that you feel uncomfortable with them posting pictures of him on websites? How do you think they will react to that? Hope I have helped in some way. Good luck and please keep us posted.

[Lovey1226]

Ugh... Well unfortunately you really cannot control their choice of posting your son all over facebook, but what a pain. I guess you could mark the photo as "inappropriate" then the FB people could put a stop to it....

Our b-mom has this thing about calling our son by her birth name for him. We did integrate her birth name as a second middle name. But, at our last meeting, her AND her friend referred to CJ as "Jayden." I must have made a funny look because she said, "They call him 'CJ' but I call him Jayden to my friends and family." The friend made a funny look, then referred to my son as CJ. So, my point, her friends know she is not "Mom." Most that know the story, might even see her behavior as odd.

I'm off topic... Anyway, what you can control is the amount of meetings. It might be time to try and space them apart a bit. Our b-mom initially wanted bi-monthly meetings. We agreed to 1 month, 3 mo, 6 mo, 9 mo and 12 m - and holidays. I try to send her and b-dad photos each month. Maybe if YOU send the photo's that would cut down on the amount posted on FB....

Anyway, the b-parent relationship is a delicate balance, or like a dance. Just remember YOU are always the one LEADING.

Good luck and I hope this helped a little....

[Waiting4aLiLone]

I agree with Kim...


You are the one with all the control. I think you should space out the visits more, that will help.

[mah]

Thanks for all your help. The birthparents are just really pushy. They were so so mad at me when we didn't chose the name they wanted. But they think that whenever they want to see him, we have to drop everything. They just haven't let go and I wish they would soon. Anyway, thanks for all your help.

[hoofprint]

Did your attorney draw up an official agreement? Our agreement is just an agreement, states no pictures may be posted on the internet. If they are our discretion will over ride the visitation agreement. Basically, our opinion on what is in the best interest of the children over rides any previous agreement.

This is your child, you get to decide. Tell them not pictures should be posted or not pictures will be taken!!

[pepper]

You may want to consider offering counseling for them, or find someone that placed their child that can talk with them about their expectations. You may want to do a session with them if they are hesitant to go.

Definitely wean them to less visits and ask them privately on FB, in person, or by phone not to share pictures of YOUR child online.