Interesting Observations

[bigdipper]

Last week on Thursday (which happened to be Owen's birthday) I noticed that Alden was exactly 19 weeks old. I stopped counting the weeks a while ago, or lost track I should say, but something told me to count the other day. 19 weeks exactly on Thursday. Mallory was born at exactly 19 weeks to the very day of my pregnancy.

It's crazy that people try to minimize her loss because I wasn't full term. 19 weeks is a loooong time. Since we didn't know about Alden until the day she was born, she has been with us the exact same amount of time Mallory was. It seems as though Alden has been with us forever. I can't imagine life without her....at 4 1/2 months she is a very important, very integrated part of our life. Why is it so hard for people to relate to the fact that Mallory was too? I realize here in the flesh is very different, but we had 19 weeks to love her, to envision her, to bestow our dreams onto her, and for 19 weeks she was a very real part of our lives. Just thought it was interesting that I noticed how old Alden was at the same age Mallory was when she was born.

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Another interesting thing, when Alden was born I called her little bird or baby bird because this cute thing she did when she was hungry. Still call her that now and then, though not as often. Last week, I wanted to embroider her name and a sweet design on her blanket and didn't know what picture to do. In my search I found the perfect design. Tiny baby bluebirds flying around daisies. So adorable. I thought it was especially cute since I used to call her baby bird.

Also, I want to put a few girly touches in the nursery, and again I was drawn to a bird motif. Not finding exactly what i was looking for, I decided on something different, but I was really excited about the possibility of putting baby bluebirds in her room as well.

Anyway, to the point. Just after I chose the bird design for the blanket I realized something. A few years ago I saw a psychic (stay open minded for the sake of my story) and she told me Mallory comes to us as a bird. At the time I thought that was extremely sweet and have since associated birds with her. Last week as I chose the bird design for Alden's blanket, I realized Mallory's connection to the whole bird thing. I almost changed the blanket design to something else, but Loie convinced me that Alden's bird reference can be totally separate from Mallory's.

It makes me wonder, am I just stuck in the bird theme or is Mallory trying to tell me she's close with her baby sister? When I spoke to that psychic (have seen her prior to that and she's really good) she told me that my future baby girl (still waiting at the time) could have Mallory's soul if I chose it to be so. I didn't want that at all and the thought of it made me instantly cry. I want BOTH my baby girls to be a separate part of my life. I've gotten used to Mallory's soul being the one that hugs me all day and didn't want to loose that feeling. I also didn't think it would be fair to either one if I thought of them as one in the same.

With this bird thing recently, I started to wonder about Alden's soul hoping that it is indeed her own. It's just kind of suspicious how I'm always drawn to birds for Alden's things.

[mdvmd]

allie and ella were born at exactly 19 weeks, too. scary sometimes how much we have in common...

[nala301]

Our bmom is about 19 weeks. I've only known about this baby for about a week, and I'm already attached. Mallory is a very real part of your life. I'm sorry more people don't understand that.

I had a lot of thoughts when reading about Mallory's and Alden's birds. I think maybe Mallory is trying to tell you she watching over her sister, or perhaps she was part of guiding her to you. I'm sure your daughters have separate souls, but they are sisters, so they are part of each other, and part of you. And maybe birds are the common thread between the girls in your family.

I hope that came out right. I'm not sure how to put my thoughts into words sometime.

[ssh]

Annette, it's amazing if we stop to think and reflect how many coincidences occur ... although I think maybe it is not a coincidence, but maybe it is for a reason. I think it's interesting that Alden was 19 weeks and you realized it that day. Life is precious and your time with Mallory was not just the 19 weeks you were pregnant, but the lifetime of plans you had envisioned for her... (why people IRL just don't get that, I have never been able to figure out). Just like watching Alden grow and change the past 19 weeks has been an amazing experience ... so is her future.

The bird reference is interesting... and I think relevant. It speaks to you, for whatever reason... I am glad you listened to Loie and kept it. It is sweet and it brings a part of Mallory closer to Alden. Alden will always know she has a big sister, just like Owen.

I love reading about your reflections... when we were going through IF, I did the mind-body program which is part of Harvard Medical School. Anyway, part of the program basically involves "stopping and smelling the flowers." We do the same thing every day, walk by the same house, or see the same trees but do not observe them. If you actually stop to watch it every day, with the changes, you see it differently. It is also very relaxing and calming that instead of rushing through your day that you take some time to observe. It is very healthy for you!

[bigdipper]

Susan, I guess birds really do speak to me. Just the other night I was getting out Alden's 3-6 month clothes to start incorporating into her closet. I have a bin in the basement full hand me downs as well as stuff I bought. As I'm sorting thorugh, I come across an outfit I bought her about a month or so ago, and what was on it? Yup you guessed. Baby blue birds. This is definately a theme. It just so happens that I love putting Alden in blue clothes because of her blue eyes.....so since I used to call her "baby bird" I think I'll start calling her "blue bird". It's very sweet and considering all the evidence, not so contrived.


I really appreciate the stop to smell the flowers approach. I probably didn't do it much in my IF days, but since Owen was born I do that a lot. One time when he was around not quite 3, we were blowing bubbles in the yard and one landed on the grass. My overly perceptive child squatted down to look at it and noticed the swirl of beautiful colors on the bubble catching the light. We both got on our tummies and watched that bubble live on the grass for a good 2 minutes or so. We were just marveling at the rainbow swirling about and had some pretty good conversations about that bubble before it popped.

Last year when I would drive Owen and his buddy home from pre-school, I would take a dirt road instead of the more convenient and adjacent paved one. It's pretty rural on that road and I loved to watch the beautiful fall colors, the ice on the trees, the pretty sparkling snow.....every season has it's own show for the kids to watch. They LOVED taking that route despite the many comments I've had from people, "Aren't you afriad of potholes", "Your car is always going to be dirty", "doesn't it take longer"

I think more people should stop and drink in their environment. I think it's a wonderful lesson to teach your kids early on.