Adoption vs 2nd IVF

[bbyhpng]

Okay, Ladies...I really just need to hear anyone and everyones views on this, so that I can formulate a plan.

Heres the background: Dh and I have been ttc for almost 4 years; the original plan was to do 2 IVF cycles, then look into adoption. I sent for an information packet from Bethany Adoption services last week, to prepare myself for the chance that our next IVF didn't work. Next IVF is supposed to be July/Auguat this year. The first IVF, although it failed, was a good cycle as far as my response...21 eggs, all mature, 75% fert rate, and we transferred 2 gorgeous blasts. Frozen cycles are not an option due to the cost (ins will pay 50% of a fresh cycle, not frozen). Although the cycle went well as far as follies, etc; I had severe OHSS, developed a pleural effusion which had to be drained twice, and was quite ill for about 2-3 weeks. Needless to say, this scared Dh, but even after that, he wasn't quite ready to say, "lets just adopt."

Well, when I recieved my Bethany info packet the other day, we briefly discussed costs, etc, and his response was "Well, should we just adopt then?" I was completely unprepared for this...MY plan was to do this next IVF, with the Drs being MUCH more careful this time not to get me sick, and then look into adoption for next year. Well, we all know how OUR plans go, now I'm wondering if God has a different plan for me. I'm praying about it, and have an unexpected peace about adoption, even from the first time I started looking into it. However, I'm struggling with whether I'm ready to give up my dream of carrying a child, being pregnant, knowing that child was made out of the love Dh and I share.

...I'm really struggling, and would love any feedback; from those in my position, and also those who may have already been through the decision and are in the process, or those whose babies are home with them through adoption. Thanks again ladies!

Praying that God Gives me the wisdom to make this decision.

Erin

[england1102]

Hi Erin!

I understand how you feel. My DH and I have been trying to conceive for 7 years. We have unexplained infertility. We have tried all sorts of conventional and alternative fertility treatments to no avail.

My DH has been a great support and has helped me come to terms with the fact that we have exhausted all of our efforts. I worried endlessly about whether we were were trying hard enough, had we given it "our all", have we pursued every avenue available. I thought maybe there was a treatment out there I just hadn't found yet and it was the miracle we were looking for. But I grasping at straws.

I had to come to terms with the fact that we had tried everything and spent all we had on fertility treatments that just weren't going to work for us. My DH and I have decided to research adoption.

Please don't get me wrong, adoption should never be viewed as "the leftovers" when nothing else works. I think it is a brave, courageous, loving and selfless act for both the birth mother and the adoptive family. Adoption is not a decision to make lightly. I was worried I would make the decision too hastily or be totally unprepared for that journey. I worried I wouldn't be good enough to adopt a child. I didn't want to adopt for the wrong reasons and I wanted to know what the right reasons were. I wanted to make sure I could handle any and all questions an adopted child might have. I have pondered those worries until there was nothing left to ponder. I have come to the decision that I am ready to adopt and that I will be a great mother to any child.

My DH and his brother were adopted by their parents after many years of infertility issues and my cousin recently adopted internationally. My twin brothers were adopted without the infertility factors.

Once you have decided to adopt, research is the key!! The first book I read was "The Cruelest Con" by Kelly Kiser-Mostrom. It was recommended by Dr. Phil as the first book you should read once you have decided to adopt. It isn't as scary a book as the title suggests. It's about a couple that successfully adopted their daughter and then get scammed while trying to adopt their second child. She gives great insight on how to protect yourself from scams and "red flags" to watch for. There's lots of information in the book on how things SHOULD happen in an adoption. They have now adopted 4 children and their family is complete.

I wish you both the best of luck in your journey and hope the decision you need to make comes to you soon. I think God has a plan for everyone - we just need to be still enough to hear the answer.

Good luck!!!

[Gigih]

Erin this is a decision that you and DH really have to make on your own. I think if you sit and discuss it with DH you will know in your heart if it is the right time for you to move to adoption. My DH and I were ttc for 6 years and signed up for a plan that included three fresh and all the frozen you have (insurance covers nothing). After the second one I was ready to quit and move to adoption, but had already paid for three. If I had frozen embies I am not sure if I would have even used them. For me IVF was just too much and I really just wanted to be a mom. The biological factor of course would be nice and I will always wonder and part of me will always mourn that loss, but to me being a parent is the most important thing I can do in life. You mention that you wanted to see a child created from love. If you move to adoption, your adopted child will be raised in the love you and DH share.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Gigi