Too old to adopt?

[MaureenG]

Hi everyone,
I'm asking this question for my aunt (my mom's youngest sister). She found her husband late in life, and got married at 45. All she has ever wanted to do is be married and have children. They started TTC right away but because of her age and health problems, she was told it is impossible and has been scheduled for a hysterectomy. She's been devastated for weeks, and she and her dh have decided to actively pursue adoption. She knows I've been through IF and that I've considered adoption, and she's been asking me questions that I don't know how to answer.

First of all, she is 47 and her dh is 48. I thought I read once that a couple cannot have combined ages of over 100, which they are pushing, and might be too close for when all is said and done. Also, they are going to put themselves on the list for an older child, and one with disabilities. I'm not sure if they prefer domestic or international, but I know they have money concerns. She's a teacher, he works for a food distributer. Is it out of the question for people with average to below-average salaries?

Thanks so much. Any info you can give would be much appreciated!

[spring]

Hi Maureen,

I only know about China adoptions but... your friends aren't too old to adopt from China, whether they choose to adopt a waiting child (older or special needs) or ask for as-young-as-possible no special needs. Adoption from China is a very stable process, a lot of paperwork at the beginning and then a bit of a wait (currently around 6 months from when you're paperwork arrives in China until you have a referral, then another 6-8 weeks until you travel to get the child). At least one parent must travel to China; if both travel the adoption is final in China, if only one parent travels the adoption must be finalized here. Adoption from China is not inexpensive - we've adopted twice and both adoptions have been around $15,000 (can be as high as $20,000 depending on travel expenses). One thing to keep in mind is (at least at the moment, I can't remember if it's set to expire any time soon) there is a $10,000 tax *credit* that you are eligible for (unless you're a relatively high income family) once the adoption is final. It doesn't help out at the beginning, but it does decrease the overall adoption cost quite a bit after all is said and done.

I'll be having my 46th birthday this summer, and just travelled in March to adopt our second daughter from China. Adoption is an amazing and beautiful way to build a family - I hope your friend is able to find the same happiness through adoption that our family has

Best wishes,

spring

ps - one thing that you might recommend, or try to do for her - is to see what adoption groups there are in your area. Families with Children from China chapters are in most areas of the US, and they're a great place to network and find out about adoption from China, plus chances are you can meet moms there who know a lot about community resources for other types of adoption support. There are links to all the FCC chapters at www.fwcc.org. And the best part about finding an adoption support group... chances are your friend will quickly realize she's not alone - there are MANY parents who started the path to parenthood in their mid-late 40s.

[Irishcreme]

They can also look at Guatemala. The only country I know for sure that they would be too old would be S. Korea and then a couple of the Columbian programs.

I wish them all the best!

[CJD]

I have 2 friends who adopted domesticly. One was 48 and one was 50, both are single women who adopted newborns. The 50 yr. old mom just this march. So with some work it can be done! The best of luck to your aunt. I did my first adoption at 42.

Patty

[carbro]

We adopted domestically. I am 43 and DH is 46. Our dd's bmom was looking for a couple that had a stable relationship, we have been married for 20 years. So, I don't think your Aunt & Her dh are too old.
DD is now almost 1 year old! and we adopted her at birth.

[Crissy1]

I just wanted to say hello & welcome! The ladies above certainly gave you a lot of good information. I hope you found what you were looking for & decide to stick around. Take care.

[MaureenG]

Thank you so much for all of your help! I knew this would be a great resource, and you ladies are very encouraging. I really appreicate it!

[sgreen2]

Spring,

Just wanted to know what agency you used for your China adoption. every agency we have talked to has said atlest $25,000. So I was shocked to see the $15,000 in your post.

Thansk
Michelle

[sgreen2]

Thanks for the info. Did the 15K include all your travel expenses as well/ How long ago was your adoption?

Michelle

[sgreen2]

WOW!! Can you give me some suggestions on how to keep costs down?

Thanks
Michelle