Chances of domestic adoption over age 40

[Brina]

here is what a friend experienced. She and her dh were in their mid-forties and had one biological child. A number of birth mothers sort of gave them two strikes. First, they were older than the birthmother's own parents - in two cases the birthmother was in her late teens and had mothers in their late 30s or early 40s. They looked at my friend and said, "shouldn't you be the grandmother." Went over like a brick, I tell ya. Second, a number of girls worried that they (my friends) would not be able to love the child they adopted the way they loved their bio son. These girls were really trying to look out for their baby's well being and truely worried that their baby would be a second class citizen in the family.

I am not saying I agree with either of these assements, but this was actual feedback my friends received. In the end, there was a birthmother who chose them and they have twin daughters. But it was a long road.

[cwhitneyc]

My husband and I are both over 40 - well over 40 for that matter. I was previously married and then widowed and have 4 grown children, ranging from 37 to 29. My husband had never been married, when we married in 1999. We adopted our 2 sons, now 10 and 9, when they were 5 and 7 and we were 52 and 53, through DHS. In June 2007, we went on to adopt a baby girl (5 weeks old) through an adoption attorney in SC. Our ages never seemed to present a problem. We contacted the attorney on April17th, sent back our completed paperwork on April 19th, and got a call about our beautiful little girl on June 6th. I think the one thing that you need to decide is if you are willing to adopt an AA or bi-racial baby and if gender is important. This doesn't mean you will not be considered for a caucasin baby, if this is what you want, but if you are open to ANY baby, attorneys are much more likely to work with you. Wishing you the best of luck!

[SgtMom]

What a nice story cwhitney!

[2ndtry]

I'm 40 and my DH is 44, we have 1 biological 3 y.o. boy and have not been able to conceive a 2nd child so we have just made the decision to adopt. I'm a little discouraged to hear that young women will want the parents to be younger but am keeping my hopes up that they recognize that we are a very loving family and are young at heart. We live in a young neighborhood where almost all the houses on this dead end have 2 young children in it for my son (and hopefully another child if we can adopt) to play with. I'm pretty new to the adoption idea and just finished IVF treatments in June. The dr. said you may as well just try on your own, with a 5% chance to get preg. on our own. In the meantime we just dont want to wait any longer for a sibling for my son. I hope there are others out there who can blog on this board with some encouraging stories about adoption.

[Ziggy 64]

I think it depends on the birthmom. some are older and want to have a family that is the same age. Our ds's bmom is 32 and our dd's bmom was 28 when they had the babies. we talked to a couple other bmom's who were specific on wanting a couple over 35 and/or financially secure.

[2ndtry]

Great, thanks for the response. That's what I figured, that there will be bmoms out there that dont mind our age. We are certainly more financially and emotionally stable now than when we were in our 20's. Plus I was thinking that most people who want to adopt a child might be in their late 30's and early 40's.

[l3lucy]

hi everyone.. i am new to this board.. DH and i found out 6 months after marriage and trying to concieve, that the hen(me) had no eggs at all== a result of being a thyroid child. Well -- DH and have only been married 2 years and have decided to adopt.. i have had several agencies tell me that my husband and i are quite old... (we both turn 40 this year). We have decided to adopt thru the city... rather then other agencies...
what are some things we should be aware of.. or look out for.

thanks.. im trying to understand and absorb this whole process.

[ssh]

I have had several agencies tell me that my husband and i are quite old... (we both turn 40 this year).

If you find an agency tells you you are too old, I would find another agency!

Seriously, I supposed it may depend on what part of the country you live in, because in the Northeast where I live women start having children later here than in other parts of the country (on average). As a result many have been working for quite a while when they find out they cannot conceive. I have quite a few friends who have adopted and all were in their 40s (some who adopted internationally were in their 50s) except one couple.

And in response to someone else's comment, our bmom's mom (bgrandma) was just 1 year older than DH. It was never an issue. I think it is more important to have a good solid relationship/marriage, be secure financially enough so that you can provide for the child, and offer the love and support that the child will need as he/she grows. I think these intangibles are much more important than age. Try not to get too caught up in the age factor. Find an agency/atty/facilitator that you believe will work for you, and then go for it.

Wishing all of you in the process the best of luck. If you have specific questions, feel free to post on the parenting after adoption board.

[AdoptiveMom2004]

Well we adopted our daughter 6 days after I turned the ripe old age of 45! If I can be of any help to you or direct you to more user friendly adoption resources - please feel free to email me privately at adoptivemom@sbcglobal.net

Good Luck and yes it can happen!

Kelli - Mom to Ariel Faith (who is now 4)

[karie]

My husband and I were both 43 years young! when our daughter came home at 8 days old!! Our birthmother was very young....but she not once asked us our age...or focused on that one bit!! It can be done....and for the most part, we as adoptive parents are older! Best of luck to you!